You Look Tired…

So I went to get my eyebrows waxed yesterday because face it, my eyebrows had their own zip code and they were starting to receive their own mail. It was time to go to the salon. I walk into a brand new salon recommended by a friend, (thanks Wendy) and after a twenty minute wait, I was taken back to ‘the room.’

I call it ‘the room’ because that is where they painstakingly take out each eyebrow hair and where they get comfortable giving you all type of comments. The door wasn’t even shut and I got the, ‘You look tired’ comment.

Yes, lady… I am tired and let me give you a list of reasons of why I am tired:

  1. For starters, I have three children; eight, six and five. I am tired. I haven’t slept in eight years… maybe that’s why I am tired. Someone is always coming to my room to tell me that they had a nightmare or they can’t sleep or can they play with my phone at 6am. Yes, I am tired. When was the last time someone handed you a booger while you were sleeping?
  2. I just went to a professional development conference. Yes, I worked in the middle of my summer vacation. Of course I am tired. My body is used to sleeping in until 8am with disruptions here and there about nightmares, screen time and boogers.
  3. I’m fat. Yes, I ‘diet.’ Which means I think about dieting and that is tiring. I am tired thinking about dieting. It’s exhausting. What will I eat today? Bread and water? Oh no, tacos. Yes, I am exhausted.
  4. I have three kids right? Well they are sitting on me at all times. ALL TIMES. If I go to take a crap someone is still asking to sit on my lap. If I lock the door, they pull on it until I give up. All times. All. Times.
  5. My kids are on a swim team. I go to practice, I go to meets, I live at the pool. I am getting sun. Do you know what that does to a teacher? First off, when school is in session we are getting up at the same time farmers do… and there is no sun at that time. We are getting out of school at the same time strippers are getting ready to go to work…. no sun. So yes, I am sitting in the sun, baking and the sun takes energy and hydration from you. That’s why I drink.
  6. Yesterday, I left cherries on my counter to dry overnight. Smart right? Except we have a tiny ant problem. They were all over the cherries by the time I got home from work. My husband almost ate an ant farm. When he asked me why I left out the cherries, my response was…’well, I leave out the bananas no problem.’ I got a disapproving look. Either way, I am tired from battling an army of ants. An army of ants on a BLACK countertop.
  7. I am tired because my kids are scared at night to go to bed. Yup, they go to bed when the sun is still up, they have Christmas lights on upstairs and the laundry room light but they are still scared and they tell us constantly. All. Evening. Long. “I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared. It’s too dark” For the love of God. When you close your eyes it will be dark anyway so just shut up and go to sleep.
  8. I am so tired because I am already having back to school dreams. Seriously. It’s July. Lesson plans, fire drills, my darkroom flooding… yeah. I wake up in a cold sweat almost every night so yea, I am tired.
  9. I am sick of dishes. Like I want to vomit. Every time I do the dishes, there are more dishes. Like I just want to tell the kids to eat off of napkins and drink from the milk jug. I don’t care because that is how many dishes I have. Live it up… eat from a paper plate… eat off the floor… oh wait, ants. Nevermind.
  10. I am tired of being asked if I am tired. Ok, so maybe I haven’t worn makeup all summer long. So just because I went to a professional development day and put it on for the first time in a month and a half doesn’t mean you have to point out that I did a shitty job covering up my dark circles. If you read the above reasons as to why I am tired then you should be proud that I don’t have dark hula hoops under my eyes that kids are trying to play in.

Until next time,

Leave me alone and let me sleep while you wax my eyebrows and suggest that I need to wax my stache’ as well. Thanks for that compliment by the way… that really topped off our appointment.

This blog is dedicated to Lorraine. Lorraine, thank you for coming up to me and asking me if I was the one who wrote this blog. You made me feel special and famous and it was cool to meet one of my blog readers that is outside of my circle of friends. Hopefully we can see each other again!

Yup. Those are Mine.

I went to get my oil changed yesterday with all three of my cherubs. After an hour’s wait the Honda man sprung me from the kids waiting area to tell me that my car was ready. Sweet baby Jesus, I was able to go home but first, i had to pay.

I approach reception and the Honda guy is explaining what they did to my car. All I hear is blah, blah, blah, oil, tires, blah. As he is talking my kids have already gone into the maintenance area, stepped outside and banged on the vending machine to see if they were lucky enough to get a free Pepsi.

That’s when the receptionist lady turns to me and says,

‘Are all these children yours?’ -lady

Now I’m looking around for a high number of children and I see only my three…

‘Yes… They are all mine.’ -me

‘Oh! I thought you ran a daycare or something!’ -lady

…yes lady, this is my life. They are alllll mine… all three of them.

Until next time,

Let’s paint my mini van yellow with a black stripe on the side 

It Hasn’t Even Been a Month

I have gone from a working mom to a stay at home mom because I am a school teacher. It hasn’t even been a month and I think I am dying. Here is a list of what my life has been like:

1. I have been sitting on the couch but not alone. Oh no, my kids need to all be touching me. It’s so bad that I have to do five minute intervals of ‘who gets to sit on mommy.’

2. I have gone on one bike ride and lost a child.

3. Vincent asked me to go to McDonald’s and I told him we could go maybe once a month. He just informed me that we went last week which was June and this week was July.

4. The kids are on a swim team. Vincent is the only one that is ready to be in the meets. His freestyle consists of doing the dead man’s float down the lane and hoping for first place… he really is clutch on the relay team.

5. I am constantly in the kitchen… my kids don’t stop eating. I ran out of food.

6. Nicholas won’t stop kissing my feet and he does this weird stripper dance that I find hilarious…. neither thing is connected.

7. Beer has been my summer fling in order to get by.

8. I have watched more Pokemon then I care to ever watch in my lifetime. I finally made up my own Pokemon to piss my son off. His name is Dorito and he has spicy powers.

9. I have taught my kids the following words while frustrated: damn, shit and fuck. 

10. My kids want to know about original sin but only when we are in the car. They have also asked google to show them pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Adam and Eve and God himself. Thank you Google for having documentation and pictures of the Lord.

Why Did Jesus Die?

“Mommy, why did Jesus die?” -Nicholas

“Because of original sin and so we could get to heaven.” -me

“What’s original sin?” -Nicholas

“Adam and Eve were living in the Garden of Eden and God told them not to eat from the apple tree but the devil came in the shape of a snake and told Eve to do it and she did and fed the apple to Adam and then they were banished and realized they were naked and then they were ashamed and that was all about original sin.” -me

“Ok. Can you tell the story about Adam and Steve again?” -Vincent

“It’s Eve. Not Steve.” -me

“And why were they naked?” -Nicholas

“And why did Adam eat the apple?” -Emily

“Yeah, when I become president, I am going to make a law that you can’t eat apples.” -Vincent

“Yeah, Donald Trumpet should make that law.” -Nicholas

“Mommy, were they green apples?” -Vincent

“No. I think they were Pink Ladies.” –me

“Is the devil in me?” Emily

“Why was the devil a snake?” -Vincent

“Did Adam and Steve get married?” -Nicholas

“Eve. It’s Eve.” -me

Until next time,

That was a cozy bedtime story…

Moving on

So I should start off my blog by saying sorry that I have been away for so long. I see from my stats that some of you have been checking in and reading some old stories… which means you missed me.

The truth is that I have been in a whirlwind of emotions and I have been really depressed because I was laid off from my job and then rehired by the same district to teach at a different high school. And yes, I am super lucky to have a job but I will no longer be teaching Black and White Photography in a darkroom. I know, we are moving to a digital world but I identified myself as a film photography teacher and moving on is hard for me, even if it is right across town.

So this blog is dedicated to all of my current and former students.

So why is moving on so hard?

I am going to miss the reputation that I have built for myself in the ten years that I have been at my school.

I am going to miss my sarcastic comments to you because it made you question if I was being serious or not.

I am going to miss the first time you watched me demonstrate how to process your film for the first time in the black bag and always getting the question, ‘we have to do that without looking?’ It would make me laugh but you all learned and succeeded in my classroom even when you thought you couldn’t.

I am going to miss the first time you opened your developing tank and pulled out your film for the first time and saw that yes, you indeed did take photographs.

I am going to miss how I tried to make you drop my classes and I would go around the classroom with a stack of drop/add forms but no one would take them… or everyone would take them and then I would laugh and laugh.

I am going to miss my ‘Crushed Dreams’ container on my desk and the ping a marble made when I was more witty than you were.

I am going to miss the first time you saw the ‘magic’ of the developer.

I am going to miss how I would be in the Fixer and every time I would tell you that it was the longest two minutes of your life… so how is your day?

I am going to miss telling you on the first day that even though you don’t know everyone yet, we will be one happy photography family by the end of the semester… and we were.

I am going to miss how cold you were from doing the Pinhole camera project in the middle of January and how warm I was because I would stay in my classroom.

I am going to miss how every time you came out of the darkroom, that I would tell you that you had to do a test strip and I had to see it. Every. Time.

I am going to miss smelling like chemicals.

I am going to miss the way you hugged me in the morning and between classes.

I am going to miss how you would come in and know exactly how my day was going because you cared about me.

I am going miss hearing and helping you with your problems.

I am going to miss your laughter.

I am going to miss how you came into my class knowing nothing and how when the semester was over, you became a photographer.

I am going to miss how I changed the way you viewed life through the lens of a camera and how even years down the road, you still view life differently. You have the ability to capture a moment and freeze it forever. Remember that.

Until we meet again,

Class dismissed

I am Just Going to be Honest

This blog is going to be about being honest. I am going to honestly say everything that I hate and then maybe if one person reads it, they can relate and see that they aren’t alone. I am going to just be honest and sarcastic because I don’t know what else to be.

  1. I am fat. If I related myself to a piece of candy, I wouldn’t be a king sized… I would be shareable because if you were dying in a plane crash, my body could feed the troops.
  2. I hate my teeth. They are yellow but only because they are dead inside from a fall… they are dead much like my soul.
  3. I hate not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I literally want to scratch it off because my depression feels so bad.
  4. I hate that I don’t love my job anymore. When the man takes over, they suck all the fun out of your job. I used to love going to work, now I can’t wait to leave.
  5. I hate that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s nice to have a reason for why I do certain things but for the love of God, it is hard to be inside of my brain constantly hating myself each minute of every day.
  6. I hate when people tell you to just choose happiness. I would choose it… can I pick it up at the goddamn market? Are you selling happiness out of the back of your trunk asshole?
  7. I hate the feeling that I will never get better. People tell you that it will get better but I find that I have been waiting for years to get better but I am still waiting and I am extremely impatient. Like, hurry the fuck up already.
  8. I hate that feeling of wanting to hurt myself because no one understands what that feels like; what that emptiness and hopelessness feels like.
  9. I hate how my pinky toe barely has a nail on it. Why should I spend my time cutting it?
  10. I hate loving someone and them not loving you back the way you want them to; like I am giving you my heart and you are turning it into Swiss cheese.
  11. I hate lying to people and telling them that I am great. I am not great. I am not even ok but the only time I can be honest without push-back is if I write it down in this very public blog.
  12. I don’t like how long it takes my finger nails to grow.
  13. I really hate counting calories… I am not even good at math.
  14. I really hate when kids at school can’t meet deadlines
  15. I hate when people won’t let me honestly talk.
  16. I hate being suicidal when I know that I have a family that loves me.
  17. I hate parachute pants… you all look like ass clowns.
  18. I hate skinny jeans… are they cutting off your circulation because your lips are turning blue.
  19. I hate that I am at Starbucks and the Frappuccino’s are so many calories. Can’t you lie? I am fat and I am in a place that I just don’t fucking care about calories; I just want whipped cream.
  20. I hate that I hate myself as much as I do.

Until next time,

Maybe one day, I won’t hate so much.