Pikachu, I Choose You!

So Vincent will be making his First Reconciliation and First Holy Communion this year. He has to do some intense reading and some activities in his workbook.

Best Parts About This:

  1. Seeing the curiosity on Vincent’s face when he learns about Jesus.
  2. Watching him draw a picture of God’s Grace in his workbook.
  3. Finding out that Jesus indeed had a Poke’ball.

All those times I wasn’t sure if God knew what Poke’mon was but it is evident in this picture that Jesus not only gave His life but also gave us Pikachu.

Until next time,

I believe in both Jesus and the power of the Holy Poke’ball.

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Who?

‘Did you hear about Mike Pence?’ -Joe

‘Hold on… Mike Pence. Mike Pence… why do I know that name?’ -me

‘Ally, come on. Mike Pence?’ -Joe

‘Wait. Is he a football player?’ -me

‘Uh, no.’ -Joe

‘Baseball?’ -me

‘Ally, no. Mike Pence!’ -Joe

‘I give up. Who is he?’ -me

‘Jesus. The vice president!’ -Joe

‘Oooooh.’ -me

Yeah, apparently I want to deny the current presidency… along with the rest of the world. 

Until next time,

Clearly, I need to read more tweets.

Did You Win?

I went to an Art Ed conference today. At the end of the day, they had a raffle. A fellow teacher who was helping out during the conference came up to me while I was looking at the raffle board and asked me if I won.

‘So, did you win?’ -Lorraine

‘Nope. Bummer.’ -me

Then she looks at my ticket…

‘Oh honey. You didn’t win because you have to give us the other half.’ -Lorraine

…Yup. Mind blown. Today I learned different art techniques and how to correctly enter a raffle…

Until next time,

The winning number is…! Oh, it doesn’t matter because I am holding both parts of the ticket.

Oh Good! Another Demerit!

Well, it took me a while before I was calm enough to write an update on my children.

On Monday, yes, Monday, Vincent received another demerit. Let’s recap… It’s Monday. Like it was Monday morning.

I know what is on your mind… what was it for? And no worries, he was just climbing the walls of the bathroom. No… literally, climbing the walls. How hard is it to take a crap and leave? Is it really too much to handle?

Now this kid has been diagnosed with ADHD; I think when the children start climbing walls is when you should start medicating. I mean, he is climbing the walls like he is Peter Parker but no one is impressed. Shit, I would have been impressed if

I got an email from the principal, a call from her and a call from his teacher. I am going to be invited over for Tupperware and Lula-roe Parties at this point because they are starting to know me on a first name basis.

After I talked to his teacher, I told her to go get drunk and that I would pay for her first drink. Like, my kid is that kid that is driving teachers to become alcoholics. I mean, he was climbing walls. If he gets another demerit, he gets a detention.

I really hope they put all the kids together that get detentions. That way he can be with seniors and maybe that will scare him. Vincent would probably look at the senior and be like, ‘whatcha in for?’ The the senior can turn to him and be like, ‘murder.’ And then Vincent can be like, ‘yeah, I don’t know how to take a crap without climbing on the fucking walls.

It’s Sunday. That Means We go to Church.

So today is Sunday and we go to church and try to pay attention.

Being a Catholic, means that the whole foundation of my Catholic existence is that Jesus died, rose on the third day and will be coming again soon. Hopefully sooner than normal because Trump is playing president. We NEED to be saved.

Either way, the whole basis of my religion is that Jesus is coming. We were singing in mass today, and God forgive me (Catholic guilt right there), forgive me but I can’t remember the song. Either way, it was a song about how Jesus died and will come again.

In the silent pause of the song, Vincent screams out, ‘Jesus isn’t coming! Jesus is dead!’ Yup, clearly he needs to give up charter school and go to Catholic school… only nine more demerits to go.

Until next time,

My kid needs a dose of Catholisim

You Get a Demerit! You Get a Demerit! You All Get Demerits!

I got a phone call today that Vincent received his first demerit for screaming in the bathroom.

Oh geez, I still remember what I was doing and what I was wearing when I heard the news.

I am actually surprised it took this long; I mean, he has already been in the principal’s office twice. Tomorrow morning it will be his third trip. Vincent and the principal should be on a first name basis after tomorrow.

God, it’s only September.

I came up with a list of possible reasons for why he would need to scream in the bathroom:

1) he had a man-sized poop.

2) while washing his hands, he burned himself because kids don’t realize the cold water is on the right.

3) he saw Bloody Mary.

4) he was constipated.

5) he tried to beat himself up to get out of class like Jim Carey in Liar, Liar.

6) he couldn’t stand the smell of his own farts.

7) he slipped and fell and was begging for help. Always wear your Life Alert.

8) he gave himself a swirly.

9) sometimes you are so frustrated that you have to yell.

10) he ran out of toliet paper after his man-sized poop.

Until next time,

How many more demerits can we get in the first month of school?