Wtf Conversations with My Cherubs

Getting ready for work is always a challenge. I’m never on time and I think my children sense that and wreak havoc. There’s many tears, kicking and screaming and that is all from me. Mostly because I am trying to work on time.

Now, any mom knows that once you are pregnant there is no modesty and no privacy any more. People are looking, poking and asking awkward questions. When you are in labor, it’s the same. No one told me that once those cherubs come out of your vagine it would STILL BE THE SAME. Awkwardness all around. No privacy and they are constantly poking you. I really hope other mothers experience this… otherwise this blog just got more awkward.

The kids yesterday all said some really weird stuff as I was getting ready for work. Let’s start with the first awkward encounter as I have my back to Vincent to maintain some modesty…

“Hey mom. How do you know how to put that on?” -Vincent
“My bra? Well, my mom taught me… you know, gran.” -me
“Oh. Well how do you take it off?” -Vincent
“Well, you just reach behind you and undo it.” -me
“Oh. Ok. Well does daddy know how to take it off?” -Vincent
“…….” -me
“And this awkward conversation is over.” -Joe

Next conversation was not awkward but extremely creepy.

My kids have major separation anxiety. I diagnosed them myself… no need to see a professional.

So as I was putting on my sneakers… Nicholas was screaming at the top of the steps so I wouldn’t leave. I go up to the top of the steps and ask what was wrong.

“Mommy a black, shadow man just walked from Emily’s room to the laundry room.” -Nicholas
“Oh yeah? Should I go check the laundry room? Is he doing our laundry?” -me
“No. He said he wanted to stay there.” -Nicholas

At this point, I think I wet my pants because wtf… close the damn portal. This shadowy figure is probably the reason none of our socks match… he is stealing our socks.

Then after much whining by me… I finally reach the door. Emily looks at me with her sweet face and says…

“Mommy. I want to kiss your nose.” -Emily

So adorable right?!

I let her kiss my nose and she pulls back and says…

“I just wanted to kiss your boogers.” -Emily

So my kids are awkward, creepy and sweetly gross. Is that even a phrase? Well, it is now. Yesterday there was no black and white… it was just all crazy.

Yours truly,

The mom with the laundry portal


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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