Hold on I Have to Poop

So the last twenty-four hours in this household has been nothing less than exciting. I hope other parents can relate and if you can’t, well then we need our own reality show.

I would like to make this blog a top ten list of events that went on in the last twenty-four hours but with this family,  it might be a list of like eighteen.

1) yesterday I made dippy eggs for everyone. Vincent wanted his in a sandwich. I put his egg in a sandwich only to hear him say he didn’t want his dippy egg in a sandwich. Then I took it out. Then he informed me that he wanted eggs and cheese on his bread and his dippy eggs on the side.

Excuse me but does it look like I have a pad of paper and a pen and a name tag that says ‘mom?’ This is not a restaurant and if you think it is, then I want a tip. And make sure you leave when you are done breakfast and I will see you at the same time next week.

2) Nicholas asked for juice. Everyone is crying because I’m not going fast enough. Then all of a sudden, Nicholas says “hey look! I’m a pirate!” I look down and Nicholas has his foot in his cup and made his own peg leg.

Cool… when was the last time you changed your socks?

3) Emily told me that when kids don’t listen at school that she gets ‘frustrated.’

Really? Like really? You get frustrated? I get frustrated sometimes but I add alcohol in the mix which can just get ugly.

4)we went to a party last night and the only thing they had for dessert was filled with peanuts. Vincent and Nicholas started harassing the other kids to make sure they washed their hands because of Vincent’s allergy . It seemed OK at first until they started stalking the kid about his peanut hands.

5)Same party and Nicholas decided it was a good time to lift up my shirt and hide under it. Embarrassing enough but when your child becomes lost in your muffin top and you have to send out a search party, it starts to really be awkward.

6) Still the same party and I had a family member ask me what happened to my neck where I have a prominent scar. I finally had to tell them that while teaching I got into a knife fight with a student. Then after they all gasped, I told them that I had thyroid surgery.

Good stories and I don’t mind the question but have we not seen each other for two years?

7) This morning I was making Emily laugh and she stopped me and said “hey mommy? Remember that time we were laughing so hard and I started to pee in my pants?”

Uhh no… and is that right now?

8)Emily was laying between Joe and me in bed. She started frolicking on the bed back and forth and told us she was a deer. After a few gallops, she turns to face the wall and says “hold on. I am a deer and pretend that I was pooping.”

9) this morning Vincent wanted to play some kind of fraction dominoes. First off, I don’t like math and Joe had to privately teach me the game last night because I was teaching fractions wrong to Vincent. Yeah, math isn’t my strong point. Anyway everyone was taking a turn and when we came to Emily,  she laid her fractions down and said ” I have a straight.”

Oh good… she is playing poker. Well done Emily, mommy has 3/8…

10)We told the kids we wanted to take them to the park. They all said no and they concluded for us that they are afraid of nature. Currently Nicholas is rolling around on the floor, while closing his eyes, pretending that he is blind and refusing to put on his shoes…

Yeah. Life can be hard kids- it’s simply not black and white… you make things crazy.

Lovingly yours,

A mom who needs to drink because she despises fraction dominoes


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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