Epic Parenting

How you know you are an ‘Epic Parent.’

1) your daughter asks you to play with her. She hands you a toy dog leash and says… “can you walk me?” And you proceed to walk your daughter around the house while she sniffs for “squirrel poop.”

2)your son asks you to play “zombies” and you have to kill other zombies and eat their brains.

3)your other son asks you to play army men with those toy army soliders. He takes one shot… “pop!” And tells you that he killed all of your men because he has the “goodest army.” 

It takes you more time to set up the damn army men then to play ‘army men’ and then “pop!” He states he is still the ‘goodest army.’ You can start to feel your blood boil because you are competitive and you want to win. Then you realize you are playing fake army men with a four year old.

4)one of the kids asks for a snack and candy falls all over the floor. It’s like a freaking pinata broke at a party but no one got hit in the nuts trying to open the damn thing.

There are skittles and m&m’s all over the floor. The kids start eating them because they are trying to help you ‘clean.’ Then you look around, and start to help ‘clean’ too. Then you realize the saddest part isn’t that you are currently eating dirt with your children, it’s that you just ate a skittles and an m&m at the same time and your taste buds are confused.

5) you didn’t hurl your child through a wall when he said ‘ hey big fella.’ Then he pushed on your stomach and watched himself disappear into your muffin top. You now know that he has been doing this so frequently that this is going to be one of those stories they bring up around the table during the holidays. ‘…. hey! Remember when we were kids and we would hide in mom’s muffin top?… yeah, those were the days….’

So you see blog followers… we have mastered epic parenting. If you aren’t doing it this way, then you just aren’t doing it right.

The dull parents are obviously black and white but the epic ones have a little crazy in them.

Until next time,

Big fella

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BlackWhiteAndCrazy

I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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