Depression is a loaded word. When people ask if you are depressed, there is a huge stigma that goes with mental illness. People think being happy is as easy as just getting up, greeting the day and making a choice to be ecstatic about life.
Lets evaluate what I have heard:
- When people just say, ‘hey, you are depressed? Why? Don’t worry, you will get over this.’
- Are you serious? What is depression? A magical mountain? I don’t even like hiking.
2. When people say, ‘hey, you don’t look good. Are you ok?’
- Listen asshole… this is my face.
3. When people say, ‘hey, just choose to be happy.’
- Oh, ok… I didn’t know my emotions were like a giant buffet that I could just pick and choose my feelings. I am sorry, can I use that spoon when you are done? I need to give myself a huge helping of happy.
4. When people say, ‘hey… just smile.’
- Oh, ok… I am mostly feeling like I want to punch someone. Would it be acceptable to smile while I punch people in the face?
5. When people say ‘Why don’t you just decide to be happy?’
- You’re right. I am sorry I decided to be miserable instead because everyone enjoys feeling like crap.
6. When people say ‘It will get better.’
- Umm… when? Can I schedule this? Did you ask your magic 8 ball?
7. When people say, ‘It won’t be like this forever.’
- I sure as hell hope not because forever is a long time.
8. When people say. ‘Well, what do you want me to say?’
- I want you to listen to me, hand me a beer and listen to me bitch. How is this hard? Watch the ‘Golden Girls’ for guidance… replace cheesecake with beer.
9. When people say ‘Maybe your medication is making you like this?’
- This is a good day… wtf?
10. When people say, ‘You seem angry; maybe you should calm down.’
- Well, stop being an idiot.
Ok, yeah. You saying the above things to me isn’t helpful. And you are right, I would love not to feel ashamed, embarrassed or guilty about my depression but the truth is, that I do but I know that I am taking the right avenues to get better.
And If you could spend two seconds inside my brain, you would understand what it’s like. So do me a favor, before you question me, put on my shoes and try to get up the magical mountain, while there is an avalanche and you are dodging boulders.
Some days are great and sometimes I can see the rainbow at the end of the storm but sometimes I slip back down that magical mountain and have to shake off the mud and get back up again.
Someday I am going to get up this mountain and it’s going to be the people that truly care about me that will walk the distance, mud and all.
Until next time,
This blog is dedicated to my loving husband, Joe and my best friend, Lindsay.
Thank you both for always being there. xo