Yesterday I had a CT scan with contrast for my kidney and I would like to give you the top 10 reasons why CT scans suck:
1) CT scans suck because of the words ‘you must drink this barium.’ Enough said.
2)CT scans suck because the barium directions say rectally or orally but after tasting it you wonder ‘should I have taken it rectally?’
3) When you get into the into the room and they tell you that you need an IV yet you haven’t drank water all day or all week.
4) when you get to the CT scan room and they ask if your stomach hurts. Shouldn’t it hurt because I just drank 4 gallons of barium?
5) when they tell you that you will feel a burning sensation when they put the IV contrast in. What is this an STD?
6) when they tell you to stop the test if you do have the burning sensation in your IV. Are they out of their freaking mind? I am NOT stopping this for anything… I just drank four gallons of barium.
7)when the lady asked to take out your IV that’s good right? Except when five minutes later she asks you if she’s already taken out the IV. WTF.
8) when your stomach starts to rumble and you have to fart but you’re not sure if that’s what’s going to come out.
9) when they finally let you off the table and you have now crop dusted the entire nursing department at the CT scan.
10) When you get into your car and Dutch oven yourself all the way up the highway. Now that I think about it… I guess I should have rolled down the window. Genius.
CT scans suck but having a negative growth on your kidney was worth it.
Until next time,
Don’t bother me I have to use the facilities