Vincent and I were coming home from school and this is our legit conversation:
“Mommy? Do we live in a city or town?” -Vincent
“We live in the city.” -me
Then the kid breaks down into sobs. Like real tears and I am at a stop lighting thinking what the hell? Our city isn’t that bad. Meanwhile, I am trying to see why he is crying but he sits right behind me so I have to contort my body in ways that are only familiar to a lady of the night.
“Oh my God! They’re coming to get me! They’re coming to the city!” -Vincent
He’s Italian so I am thinking it’s the Godfather shit or something like that.
“Vincent. Calm down. Who is coming to get you?!” -me
“The vampires. They are supposed to come on January 8, 2013.” -Vincent
What. The. Hell. Is. Happening?
“OK buddy. That date was two years ago. Vampires aren’t comimg. They would already be here.” -me
“Oh God!” -Vincent
“Vincent vampires aren’t real.” -me
“But Gabe in my class said they were!” -Vincent
“Ok. Well he is six and I’m thirty-six so…?” -me
“Well, he knows. You need to call his house! You need to talk to his mom! You need to talk to Gabe!” -Vincent
“Okay, well first off, I’m not calling because I don’t think they would appreciate a thirty-six year old calling a six-year old to tell him that vampires are not real. And I would probably go to jail so…” -me
“Well, what about chupacabras; are they real?”
“God no Vincent.” -me
“What about bigfoots? They’re real because Gabe said he saw bigfoots and a chupacabra.” -Vincent
“First of all, it’s Bigfoot. And no.” -me
“Well, when there is more than one it’s bigfoots.” -Vincent
Yup… I didn’t have an answer for that justification but I did have a crazy ass contortion at each red light and a muscle spasm.
Knowledge is power and I am super thankful that Vincent’s school library had a book on momsters. And that he is learning grammar.
Until next time,