‘Sometimes you get lost on your journey.’ -Nicholas
These were the wise words of my four year old that inspired me to write this blog. ‘Sometimes you get lost on your journey.’ Such an amazing concept for a four year old; of course he was in the middle of doing an activity maze at Bob Evans but either way, it made me think about my journey.
Last night I was privileged enough to go out with some amazing friends, Meghann, Kathy, Timmy and Lora. These people are more than friends; they are my family. Last night I laughed more than I have laughed in a long time- I actually felt happy. I haven’t felt happy in a long, long time but these people made me feel what is stuck inside me trying to break free.
When I left the restaurant, I started thinking about all those amazing friends I have that are my ‘family.’ We are all scattered throughout the U.S and I wish we could spend more time together. These special people are in Florida, California, Colorado, Illinois and Pennsylvania. I miss them all dearly but I am fortunate to have these friends know me so well, that if we don’t talk for six months, we can just pick back up where we left off. Nothing changes; we still laugh at the same jokes, tell stories of our glory days and share the joys and hardships of being an adult. These special people are undoubtedly, my family.
Sometimes it’s about the journey. So currently my journey is in a very dark place. I am still in this maze hitting the road blocks and making wrong turns. I feel like I am in a very dark tunnel of this damn maze but I know I can see light at the end. Of course I am crawling on my hands and knees trying to make it out alive but I know that when I finally reach that light, I will have these people waiting for me. They have been cheering me on in their own way. Whether it’s making me laugh, listening to me when I cry or calling people to make sure that I am safe.
My road blocks are friendships and relationships that went bad. It’s my trust issues, my abandonment issues, my anger, my depression and yet I know these people are sticking by me like family should. I couldn’t be more appreciative of their presence, even from far away. I know, no matter what that this family will never leave me and the reason I know is because I have had this family for some time. My oldest friendship is thirty-five years old and my youngest is like eight years. These people don’t always have to be around but knowing that they will always be on the other end of that tunnel is important to me. It gives me hope.
Last night was a special moment when I actually felt happy, it was like an old memory. I need to get there again and the only way to do that is to try to hold on to those fleeting moments of pure joy.
The key to the journey is having support and encouragement along the way. My support are these friends I call family, it’s my amazing husband Joe and it’s my damn good therapist. Without these people I would probably be dead. They are the ones that encourage me to keep going, to get through this damn maze, and get out of this dark tunnel. And even if I am crawling on my hands and knees and it takes years to get out, I know, with absolute certainty, that they will be there.
With great love and a bit of joy today,
This blog is dedicated to my friends that are more like my family, my amazing husband and my fantastic therapist:
Meghann, Katie, Becca, Timmy, Lora, Kathy, Lindsay, Lisa, Joe and Colleen