So we have three small children; six, five and three. They are lovely but trying to do homework with all of them at the same time, while making dinner is like entering into the portal of hell.
So yes, they all have homework… Vincent has reading and math and needs my help to keep him focused, otherwise he is talking to himself while using his pencil as a sword.
Nicholas needs to learn how to read and keeps bringing home these paper books with sounds of letters and then a few pages of sentences he has to read. He needs help because he has this habit of reading me the word without looking at the book. I know I have gorgeous, brown eyes but he needs to understand that you can’t read the word if you aren’t looking at the book. Look. At. The. Book.
Emily is also learning how to do sounds with these paper books and she is only learning sounds. Like ‘E’ says, whatever the hell ‘E’ says for eee, eee, eee, elephant.
So with all of them together it’s like when your tv is on the loudest level but all that’s coming out is static and confusion and sadness. Meanwhile, they all want snacks and I am not talking little snacks; they basically want first dinner. And while they want snacks they are all screaming letters and sounds and math and hanging on my legs while not taking off their shoes or coats, while crying about how hungry they are and oh, I need to make dinner.
Once I get the kids settled with snacks, it’s time for homework. Vincent first: reading and math that I can’t do without counting on my fingers. It’s a freaking nightmare. Nicholas and Emily: sounds and reading. So here is the mental image for you; Vincent is playing swords, Nicholas has a hard time with r’s and l’s and I spend a lot of time saying… ‘say errrrr, like a pirate.’ And then Emily is just legit confused. Let’s dive deeper into my evenings…
Emily is doing the vowel sounds- it’s only a, e, i, o and u… not even ‘sometimes y.’
Here we go… her sounds from her book are like this…
‘I’ says, whatever the hell it says, like iiii, iiii, inchworm. ‘O’ like whatever the hell ‘O’ makes, oooo, oooo, ostrich. Get it?
“Mommy, what is this letter?” -Emily
“It’s an ‘A.'” -me
“Oh yeah! ‘A’ like aaa, aaa, apple!” -Emily
“Wonderful… let’s do it one more time.” -me
“What letter is this again?” -Emily
“Oh yea, aaa, aaa, aaa, apple!” -Emily
“Ok what letter is this?” -me
“No, try again sweetheart.” -me
“Nooooo, try again.” -me
“Oh! I don’t know.” -Emily
“Emily what is the first letter in the alphabet?” -me
“Sing the alphabet.” -me
“A, B, C, D, E-” -Emily
“Ok, stop. So what was the first letter you said? What is this letter?” -me
“A, B, C, D, E?” -Emily
“Let’s try one more time. This is an A. What. Sound. Does. A. Make? What is this a picture of?” -me
“Oh, A says bbb, bbb, bbb, Bapple!” -Emily
Oh. Dear. God.
Until next time,
This post is brought to you by the letter ‘H’!
As in I’m in Hell.