One Hour of Church? It Felt Longer.

So today is Sunday. You know what that means! No, not the Superbowl… I wish I was talking about the Superbowl; I am talking about church!

The following happened in one short hour… picture this as my top ten play out in words. My life should be some kind of tv special.

  1. We get to church and Joe picks out a seat that is literally in the middle of people. How is this a good choice? We should be segregated to the back. The back corner. Perhaps a closet.
  2. All the kids try to sit in a circle between the pews. Yup, all three of them. The boys are lined up against the kneelers and Emily is literally sitting half under our pew with just her little head popping out- probably for air.
  3. They started playing bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish and one potato, two potato… but what are they playing for? We are not playing tag. But then the songs just kept getting louder and then Vincent started cheating. Why are you cheating? You are literally doing this for nothing.
  4. The boys are five and six now and they still try to simultaneously sit on my lap. I know I am a big girl, with a lot of lap, but you two are like full grown children at this point. I am lucky if I can take the weight of one of you.
  5. There was a baby two rows behind us and Vincent and Nicholas started to mimic the baby. Cute right? Not really because there was a man in the pew directly behind us so they were really just cooing at the guy behind us.
  6. Vincent started squishing my face together- up, down, side to side. I felt like an intense version of silly putty and this was the most inappropriate time to do it except it felt so good. I just closed my eyes and pretended I was getting a facial. It worked well because people probably thought I was praying.
  7. When the Deacon was giving the homily, I kept telling Nicholas and Vincent to be quiet so I could hear the Deacon. Nicholas kept calling the Deacon the Priest and I kept correcting him but as I was correcting him for like the fifth time, I slipped up and said, ‘please be quiet so I can listen to the Priest.’ Vincent turns to me and says, ‘uhh, that’s the Deacon.’ I would have said something witty but it was in the middle of my facial and I was ‘praying.’
  8. Vincent is becoming a great reader and I am so proud of how far he has come. Today he read the hymnal which is just touching. However, he was singing it off key, loudly… and there was no music. He was just spitting some hymnals like a Christian rapper.
  9. At the ‘Peace be with You’ moment of the mass, Catholics shake hands and our family gives each other kisses. And in the middle of the ‘Peace be with You,’ Emily screams out… ‘where are you and mommy going?!’ Ok, maybe we leave the house too much… if once a month counts. Serious separation anxiety. She gets that from me… so sweet.
  10. When we were leaving, Nicholas saw the back of the St. Margaret of Scotland statue and said ‘hey! look! Star Wars!’ No sweetheart, that’s St. Margaret.

So yes, one more eventful hour. Jesus, I know why I don’t pray during mass… I don’t know how because I am getting facials, listening to Christian rap and trying to find Yoda. It’s exhausting.

Until next time,

I will be saying extra prayers for my family tonight and for the Denver Broncos. Peyton is so cute.


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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