Top Ten Things You Should Not Do on Pain Medication:
1) take medication and then assume that your ankle is healed and try to walk on it because you are ‘pain free.’
2) taking medication late last night and then writing your lesson plans for the next day.
3) writing to everyone you know and sending them love notes about how much you love them.
4) sending those above people the same meme because it’s so accurate.
5)making hot coffee and then trying to carry it to the couch.
6) texting anybody and hoping auto correct will help but auto correct doesn’t even know what you are trying to say.
7)trying to use your crutches as a grabber. I picked up trash off the floor and put it in the trash can. I have skills.
8) figuring out how you are going to get Chinese food for lunch, considering that you can’t drive, have no money and are not wearing a bra. Maybe the no bra thing will work in my favor but the delivery boy would have to look at the ground because that is wear my boobs will be.
9) trying to control your bladder after two cups of coffee because your house is a mess and it’s like an obstacle course in here. Legos everywhere and naked dolls to get around. If you aren’t careful, you could die.
10) wishing you had eggrolls but knowing that you have to eat leftovers instead and then it just depresses you. Maybe I can persuade my hot husband to bring me some hot eggrolls. I need eggrolls and money and a hot husband and a bra and a bathroom in the family room.
Until next time,
I really need to pee.
Ps- many of you got this from me today… consider yourself loved.