1. Joe came to me and asked me if it was a good idea to make a paper city out of loose leaf paper. Nicholas got a new toy for his birthday that pumps water 20 feet, so my husband, my dear lovely husband, who is a very smart chemical engineer asked me if it would be a good idea to light the loose leaf paper city on fire while the kids tried to put it out with a new toy. Wtf. Who has the concussion?
2. Silence can be a beautiful and much needed thing. But silence is also boring as hell. I need my silence to be binge watching Netflix while I have a drink in my hand. And peeing by myself. That would be splendid. Alas, having a concussion is that you literally sleep and stare at the ceiling.
3. Voice to text absolutely sucks and I wish I could type on a computer.
4. Awkward moments brought to you by my children: Emily has asked me why I have a hole in my stomach. I proceeded to tell her that it was my belly button. She asked me if I could pop my belly button out and of course I said no. Then she told me that my breasts hung all the way down to my belly button so they should be able to help.
5. Nicholas called my name from the top of the steps. I look up the steps while I’m doing Emily’s hair and I see my son using his penis like a windmill. Of course, when I ask Joe to come help, he proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. Good thing Nicholas learned his lesson.
6. If you ever get a concussion this is what I did for pure entertainment… maybe you could try it? I shut off all the lights turned on our fireplace and then went to YouTube and played Forest sounds. I pretended that I was camping; the only thing that was missing was the bears and the fact that I can’t access the fireplace to make freaking smores.
8. Sometimes taking constant naps is too much- I never thought I’d say this but I’m just not tired after sleeping 13 hours and now I have like another 12 to go. I can’t do math right now, but either way, what do you do for 12 hours except playing Forest sounds and lay on the couch?
9. You thank God when you see good friends. Especially when they come to the house to drop something off and can only stay for five minutes but suddenly you convince them that they should skip jazzercise and order crab rangoons and eggrolls. Bam… five minutes turned to an hour. Maybe I should sell cars or Avon or something.
10. It’s nice when your kids are so concerned about your well-being and give you pet names. Nicholas has changed my name from ‘cutie’ and ‘hey, big fella,’ to ‘cooch (he brought it back… see the blog Nicknames) and now he so lovingly calls me ‘big, fat hoagie’ while bouncing my stomach fat in his hands which in of itself is frightening.
Until next time,
Excuse me while I try to pop out my belly button with my boobs.
Love, big, fat hoagie.