Pranks and Divorce

Toys. Toys are freaking everywhere in my house but which ones really piss me off? Let me tell you…

1. Freaking Legos. It’s like a death trap and some of the pieces are clear. And with my anxiety, I think there is broken glass all over the floor. I have brought up Legos before in my blogs but I bring it up again because that’s how much I hate them.

But what freaks me out more?

2. Babies. Emily has baby dolls everywhere. And not cute ones but ones that giggle and coo and ones that just sit there and stare at you. What the hell are you looking at and how did you get into this position?

I’m not kidding. Some of these toys really make you pee your pants.

Emily has a life size Anna doll. Have you ever seen a life size Anna doll in the dark as you quickly turn a corner?

I figured out in those moments with freaking Anna, I have those ‘fight or flight’ moments and I figured that I would most definitely flight… I mean I didn’t even think about the family and I don’t really run that fast. I don’t really walk that fast but that freaking Anna doll is enough to light a small fire under my ass.

And the dolls that coo. Emily has a doll that literally coos, sucks a pacifier and crinkles her little eyes. It is so lifelike I had anxiety when it cried because it didn’t have the pacifier. Jesus, I almost whipped out a boob to feed the thing. I haven’t breastfed in like three years but I was half naked when that doll started to cry for the first time. Which can get extremely awkward… especially when I am sending my husband the wrong message.

Emily has this other doll that doesn’t really do anything but looks creepy. It ends up in places by itself… or maybe Emily moves it but it just seems like she is never playing with it. I found it with a pillow and a bottle, staring off into the fire place last week.

The other day, I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up and rolled over, it was sitting on the coffee table… staring at me. My stomach dropped a little because this baby is probably the spawn of Satan. And then Joe let me know that he placed it there on the table to freak me out. I passed him divorce papers to freak him out. There- now we are even.

Until next time,

Lifelike babies should be banned from society because i don’t have enough underwear…

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BlackWhiteAndCrazy

I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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