When Camping Goes Wrong

Have you ever been on a bad ass camping trip? I’m asking because I just had a crazy trip with three crazy people.

My idea of camping is a nice fire, drinks, smores, scary stories, and good company… all of this in a five star hotel. I don’t like dirt, bugs or digging holes… or bears.

So tonight, after being cooped up for almost two weeks with this concussion, I was able to camp… right in my living room, in front or the fire place with my kids. God, I really need a night out. If only I could stand to be in fluorescent lights without feeling like they are burning through my brain.

Anyway, it started with sitting by the fire because I was cold and that’s when a bad ass camping trip begun.

Yup, it was in my living room with my three children but it was just like camping with adults.

We did some impromptu smores, which was marshmallows and chocolate syrup. I told scary stories about vampires and ghosts so bad dreams will happen tonight. I know, I’m an idiot.

You should have seen Emily’s face when Vincent had talked about the vampires sucking blood… I changed it to sucking juice boxes but the damage was already done.

Of course we had some beverages… two juice boxes each. Thank God, I took all their plastic keys to their nonexistent cars. And as the evening pursued, we finally were able to get to the inappropriate discussion- yes, we talked about farts and then the kids started farting on each other. If our fireplace was open, the fart factor and the fire would have made the house explode. Have you ever smelled broccoli and chips. My kids have a smell like that… you’re welcome.

As every good camping trip goes, it ended with the marshmallows and juice boxes kicking in and the kids were  acting like drunken sailors. Nicholas just continued to fart and then got totally naked and mooned the camp. Vincent wandered off because he was mad when Emily was singing ‘a hunting we will go.’ And then Emily just had a moment and started screaming about nothing… you know, irrationality, like a regular woman with PMS. Then Nicholas needed help with pooping. So I strolled into the bathroom and he made me look at his poop. And I said… ‘good job. You pooped.’ And he came back with ‘no mommy… it smells like poop.’

Yup… juice box drunk. When the campers drink too much that they get naked, fart on each other and tell you obvious information that makes you want to jump into the fire because it would hurt less.

Until next time,

Camping in the living room can be just as dangerous as the woods. I’ve seen the Blair Witch Project.


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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