Well, we had another exciting dinner last night. Part of it was like watching a reality show and the other part was like watching the strong man competition but with a woman. Several things happened in a span of twenty minutes:
1) I asked Emily for a hug and she told me no. Sad right? But then I found out that she said no because she smelled dinner. Totally my child- food wins over everyone and everything.
So as she is sitting there, I say to her… ‘did you say your prayers?’ Well, this kid busts out the loudest prayer except it wasn’t a prayer, it was the Pledge of Allegiance. Parental, Catholic Fail.
2) As the rest of us sat down for dinner, Emily started meowing. Then she started purring and rubbing her dirty, BBQ face on my clothes like a cat would show affection to their owner. As if that didn’t get the point across, she started licking her bread like a bowl full of milk. Joe and I caught eyes and let her keep eating her dinner. At least she was eating. So apparently, teaching her manners for three years has not worked. Parental Fail for manners and we don’t even have a cat.
3) Nicholas decided in the middle of dinner that he had to use the bathroom. We can’t get them to go when we need them to go but man, as soon as they’re at the dinner table it’s like a bathroom tour around the damn house. So he kindly excused himself and as he was leaving, he told us his butt was on fire.
Nice visual right? Except the next visual was him in the dining room watching us eat. Creepy. When I told him to come back to the table, he stepped away from the wall he was peeking behind and was butt naked and then he told Joe that he was wiping his butt in the dining room. Really? Really? You have been potty trained for three years. What. Is. The. Obsession. With. Your. Poop? Wth. Parental Fail on cleanliness.
4) After the butt incident, Emily wanted me to feel her muscles. I told her how strong she was and asked her how she got those big muscles and she told me it was because she has been sleeping. Really? When? And then it happened, Emily runs into the toy room and she comes back and has her stroller over her head running through the kitchen in what I can only describe as some kind of roid rage. Parental Fail- we need to teach them to ‘just say no.’
So yes, in twenty minutes we had four Parental Fails… that’s one for every five minutes- right? I am not exactly stellar in the math department.
Until next time,
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