Beware of the Teachrent

Vincent had some homework to do the other night. He had to do math, read a few pages in a book and then write down all the words that had the ‘ow’ sound in the story.

A few months ago, Mr. Smarty Pants figured out that all the answers to his book homework are on the front cover of the book and he just has to copy them down.

I told Vincent he needed to start his homework… five minutes pass and I hear the, ‘I’m done.’

…Uhh, it takes me longer to read the directions…

And that’s when the teacher/parent part of me kicked in and meshed into one interrogative mega bitch.

‘Oh… you’re done?’ -me

‘Yeah.’ -Vincent

‘So… you read the whole book?’ -me

‘Uhh… yea.’ -Vincent

…and then it became a scene from a bad cop movie… Vincent was sweating, there was a single light hanging from above us just gently swinging. And then I just spouted off questions… it was so fast that the kid needed a sip of water to help with the dry mouth he was getting from sheer panic…

‘OK Vincent, then what was the book about?’ -me

‘A boy and his dog.’ -me

…OK smart ass, that’s the picture on the cover…

‘What’s the boys name and the dogs name?’ -me

‘Sam is the boy and Max is the dog and they go for a walk.’ -Vincent

…lucky guess…

‘What else do they do?’ -me

‘Uhh…’ -Vincent

‘Exactly! You didn’t read the book did you?’ -me

‘Well, no. I read the first page and wrote down the answers.’ -Vincent

…yeah you did… I’m not an idiot. I teach high school for God’s sake. If I can guess that a student is lying, sad, upset, angry, happy or cheating on my damn photography project, I think I can figure out that you are cheating on ‘Sam and Max.’

And, you’re grounded forever.

Until next time,

I am a human lie detector bitch.


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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