The days are long but the nights are longer. Here I sit awaiting one moment.
A chance to express my disgust and listen to your regret. I know you will sit there and not see me- you will pretend you don’t know me.
The lies you will spread will go right into my head. I will feel confused, threatened and dead.
What you did, you will never know. You will sit there and think about the places that you can go.
But I, I am here and I always will be, stuck behind these four walls- will it be one year or three?
You go on and live your life the way you do. Thinking that you are better than me because that’s you.
You will lie to protect yourself and I will sit here telling the truth. All that paperwork will show what was real and what was true.
You have wronged me and maybe I did too but I don’t take the blame because all along it was you.
Toying with my life and toying with my emotions- you don’t care do you? You never did because I was just a pawn in your game and now I feel the shame.
The shame of thinking you cared; the shame of thinking I mattered and now I feel shattered.
Feeling shattered is my common theme, it would be better if this was just a dream. Instead this is my reality. It is like this everyday until you are just a memory that I can keep at bay.
I feel empty and lost and I know I am the only one paying the cost. I have one good woman able to help me and you may know her. You will never be like her because you are not capable.
Tears overflow my eyes but now they will stop. You won’t control me this time or next. You can go to hell. I’ll pack your bags and send you down; down to a place where I once belonged.
But now I’m rising and soon I will be free. When you finally see me you won’t even recognize me because I won’t be that scared little girl. I will be someone more powerful and strong; you will see what you did, you will see that you were wrong.
Until next time,
You have to be stronger than your demons.