Yes. These are the words uttered by my four year old daughter. It should have been a proud mommy moment but it was more filled with dread when I found out her reasoning.
“When I grow up, I wanna be a teacher so I can do whatever I want and then stay up when all my friends take a nap.” -Emily
Oh, my dear, sweet child. If only you knew…
First of all, teachers never get to do what they want; unless it’s on the weekend and even that is iffy. We work extra long hours and some, even a second job. The money isn’t there because it’s a labor of love and sometimes it’s just straight up labor.
Secondly, if your friends are napping then you better consider a siesta. There is no reason to stay up and… what? Party? Grade? Take a nap under your desk like all your other friends. Stop being an overachiever.
Teaching is more about the following:
1. Survival of the fittest.
2. Survival of the May 15th deadline, where you find out if you still have a job.
3. DPAS… where your outcome of whether or not you are a good enough teacher solely depends on the students taking a test.
4. Walkthroughs… it sounds like admin literally walks through but it’s more like a ‘let’s stop and analyze your every move until you want to die.’
5. Refrain… totally refraining from cursing and murdering people… Coworkers, students, yourself. It’s a toss up.
6. Trying to refrain from drinking… like all the time.
7. Trying to hold your pee no matter what the cost. You didn’t need that kidney anyway…
8. Parents… if they are concerned great… if they are helicopter parents forget about it. (FYI… I am that parent)
9. Lunch. Except you are trapped inside and have no where to go. You only get like twenty minutes anyway.
10. People stealing your scissors. Yes, this may have happened and I may still be bitter.
11. Pride. I love my job but people think they all could do my job. All I do is color and babysit right? So pride is kind of out unless you are in the mood to confront assholes that think your job is easy.
12. Money. Oh wait. Nevermind.
13. Lesson plans… I think of mine while I’m in the shower and they go along swimmingly… no pun intended. Just kidding… puns.
14. My sarcasm… without it, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish #6.
15. Early morning hours… because it’s natural to be up before the birds.
16. Back to school night where I constantly get asked why I don’t teach digital photography. It’s because I teach fine arts people. And I don’t just teach film photography, I teach patience.
17. I teach patience but I don’t have it.
18. Listening… when you have to listen to every excuse humanly possible. Everyone has technology until there is a paper due… then all of a sudden everything breaks.
19. Snapchat. If one more kid says ‘hey Iannone, look at this,’ and I become a cat, I might go back to #6. It’s not funny. Why am I throwing up rainbows?
20. Time. People say that I have summers off. Do you have any idea what would happen if teachers didn’t have summers off?
Mayhem, chaos, the apocalypse, death, destruction, drunken rages, literally it would be like PMS on steroids. Plus, we don’t get paid in the summer… it’s just spread out. We are like ten month employees and I have three tiny children. Sometimes it’s a toss up between where I want to be- home or school.
Until next time,
Teaching is… well, be a surgeon or something.