Twenty-Four Hours of Stay-at-Home-Momming

It has been approximately twenty-four hours of being a full time mom; the first day of summer with all three, little kids. It was also the first day I wanted to walk around the house with a fifth of alcohol and a straw.

Going from a full time teacher to a full time mom is a ridiculous transition. It’s extremely difficult and I have a hard time getting into a groove with three, young children.

Just to paint you a picture, I teach high school. They are capable of getting their own drinks and wiping their own ass. High school students even take naps… Sometimes while you are still talking to them. And then there are my children…

They are still learning how to get their own drinks, it’s touch and go for wiping their own asses and they never take naps. I wish they were like my high school students and found me boring enough to fall asleep while I was talking. I actually went upstairs last night at 5pm and passed out- face first, horizontally on my bed from sheer exhaustion. Let me give you some highlights of my first twenty-four hours being a stay-at-home-momming.

1. I woke up to the kids screaming at each other. Vincent ‘accidentally’ watched the wrong show and wouldn’t let Emily watch something so naturally that causes for high pitched shrieking at 7am. It was loud enough to wake up the dead.

2. Both boys had timeouts before Joe left for work at 8am.

3. I cried before 8am.

4. I cried after 8am.

5. Swim practice yesterday at 10am and before we got out of the parking lot, Emily face planted and started screaming.

6. Emily just whined from 10 – 11 am. There was a point I was considering tossing her into the pool and see how she did swimming without a floatie.

7. Nicholas and Vincent were out of the water every five seconds to tell me they were cold. Shut your traps and swim around. Mommy does not exist at swim practice.

8. Nicholas came out of the pool on one of his adventures because he had to use the bathroom. I hate public restrooms, especially at this pool so that was gross.

9. Emily waited till I got back to tell me she had to go the bathroom. Wtf?

10. When we got into the stall, her first comment was to talk about all the blood that is in the little trash cans. Loud enough for the general public to hear. I guess I tell them too much.

11. We made an agenda for each day of the week so the kids would know what time TV was and lunch and crap like that. I destroyed the agenda on the first day and they watched TV for like four straight hours.

12. I didn’t have coffee. I could have died.

13. Nicholas kept smelling Vincent’s butt. Things in our house get awkward.

14. Dinnertime yesterday… nobody would eat my dinner. So much for an hour worth of cooking. I think I am going to make the kids eat bread and water from now on.

15. Emily made me be her horse in the evening. She combed my hair, my scalp was bleeding, she fed me pretend carrots and water… it was the best part of the day. Until…

16. Emily invited me into the bathroom while she pooped. Luckily for me, she also sang me a song.

17. Bedtime happens and suddenly everyone has an ailment. Boo boos hurt, the kids are coughing and legs need to be amputated.

18. Swim practice this morning and the kids are waiting to get their team picture taken. The boys are waiting in line and they are surrounded by other kids and there are parents everywhere and Vincent screams at me through the fence… ‘mommy! Nicholas just stuck his finger in my butt again!’

Cool… I didn’t want to fit in or anything.

19. My kids were in and out of the pool… kind of like salmon swimming up stream, gracefully jumping in and out of the water. Except my kids aren’t graceful, weren’t jumping and we’re just out of the water to give me updates on how cold they were.

20. Swim practice starts for today and Vincent and Nicholas are literally doing laps! Back and forth! Holy hell- oh wait. They were hanging on the backs of the coaches. No swimming was actually completed.

So yes. Twenty-four hours of being a stay at home mom. To all the stay at home moms out there. You deserve a medal, a vacation, endless umbrella drinks that include a cabana boy, therapy, uninterrupted sleep, uninterrupted time to pee, a maid, a cook and more to drink.

Cheers to all of the stay at home parents out there! I need to leave for an emergency therapy appointment.

Until next time,

I might put myself in my own straight jacket with a padded cell.

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BlackWhiteAndCrazy

I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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