I know many of you have been waiting on the edge of your seat to hear about our time at Sesame Place.
Here are some highlights of yesterday’s adventure:
1) We left the house and before we got to the stop sign, we already heard ‘when will we get there?’
2) We took the double stroller for the sole purpose of carrying our stuff. Then the kids made us come up with a system of who was riding in the double stroller. Walk it… and while we are on this subject, why don’t I get a turn in the damn stroller?
3) Vincent asked me about the tire popping device parking lots have if you go the wrong way; I explained to him the way it works and why. He responded with an ok and then turned around and asked Joe the same damn question. When have I ever not been trustworthy?
4) Vincent and Nicholas started wrestling each other before we were even at the gate. Yup… and only one of them was in the stroller. How is that even possible?
5) I hurt my ankle on the first ride… the one that was already broken.
6) Emily cried alllllll the way up the second ride and didn’t want to go and we made her go anyway and as soon as she got off, she wanted to go again. Thank you Emily for crying for forty-five minutes only to see that mommy and daddy were right in literally five seconds.
7) We went on the lazy river and we told Vincent to get off at the green tubes but he floated right passed all the lifeguards and went for a second trip. I tried to get him back but it was too late. So Joe followed him around again… what a hard job.
8) Nicholas couldn’t understand why the pool had to be cold on a hot day. I tried to explain it to him but he didn’t understand. Do I need a PowerPoint presentation or what?
9) Emily and Vincent wanted to go on the swings. The sign said weight limit was 221 lbs. Hmmm, I just ate lunch so it was really a crap shoot but my swing didn’t break and I didn’t die so I had that going for me.
10) After the swings had stopped, I stood up with the swing still attached to my fat ass. If I did die on the swings, they would have had to bury me with that thing because only the jaws of life could have released me.
11) Any time the kids needed my attention they just would tap me on whatever part of my body was protruding closest to their tiny hands. My stomach, my boobs, my ass… not awkward at all.
12) My boys were still wrestling… at every line… but now they were adding a swift fist to each other’s butt. Wth… Stop being gross.
13) Nicholas made a valid point that the double tubes looked like the number eight but the single tubes looked like a donut. Listen son, you need to pick a theme- numbers or food. If we are going food- double tube = a soft pretzel; single = a donut. Numbers: double tube is an eight and the single tube is a fucking zero. Don’t mix the themes up. It’s just not right.
14) Vincent did a deck change. Except he was struggling with balance and everyone at the swings saw his little butt. I think his butt is adorable but I could see how people wouldn’t want to see it while eating their funnel cake.
15) All the rides go around… I thought I was going to die from pure nausea… at least at that point, it would have helped with my weight issue for the swings.
16) Joe really enjoyed the parade. He asked me if he could bring home Elmo. If you don’t understand number 16, then read the blog ‘Me v.s Elmo.’
17) Joe and I were able to get through the day and there was no bloodshed! Oh wait, yes there was… Nicholas and Vincent were play fighting and Nicholas pushed Vincent into a pole and knocked out his front tooth. Cool.
18) Emily passed out at dinner but I had to wake her go to the bathroom because she drank a gallon of juice. It was like taking care of a drunk friend. I was holding her hand but she ran into a door frame, a slippery when wet sign, and then I had to hold up her head while reminding her to pee. Her eyes were closed the whole time. She was sleep peeing.
19) The kids passed out in the car. I guess they couldn’t handle the day. Oh wait, I passed out too… it could have been the margarita.
20) The tooth fairy came without incident, but when she got to Vincent’s room, she forgot a shirt. Thank God her boobs didn’t slap Vincent in the head; that would have caused a lot of psychological damage if the tooth fairy dropped a boob on his forehead.
Until next time,
Another successful Sesame Place experience… filled with inner tubes, margaritas and naked tooth fairies.