Do What I Say.

So I find that when I am the most depressed, I don’t write a lot of funny stories. If you want funny, go back like a week ago.

So when I am depressed, it helps to write. Read it if you want because it is going to be honest writing laced with a shit ton of sarcasm.

This blog is going to be about depression and ways to get through it…

1) I’m depressed. 

I need you to say: think positively. Just kidding. Don’t say that unless it is followed by, ‘think positively about a drink I can buy you.’

2) I’m so emotionally exhausted from life.

I need you to say: rest your head on my lap and I will pet you like a dog since you were a dog in a past life.

3) I really want to rip off your face because your dumb look makes me want to beat you with a giant 2 x 4. 

I need you to say: would you like that 2 x 4 to be oak or birch?

4) I am having an anxiety attack.

I need you to say: would you like a brown paper bag or a plastic bag because plastic could end the misery.

5) I am having anger issues and I feel like I might murder someone.

I need you to say: let me bring you someone from your hit list.

6) I don’t feel like getting out of bed because life is too hard.

I need you to say: get the fuck out of bed and start the day. I will throw a shot of Bailey’s in your coffee.

7) I say I don’t like the bullshit that is pouring out of your mouth.

I need you to say: I will find the duct tape.

8) I tell you I can’t take life anymore.

I need you to say: let’s do this Thelma and Louise style.

9) I tell you that I need a break.

I need you to say: let’s get drunk and escape this place for a while.

10) I say life in general is forcing me to use therapeutic skills and it’s still not working because sometimes life is like a giant asshole.

I need you to say: I understand that there isn’t enough therapeutic skills that could deal with this world because sometimes life just blows a big chunk of ass when you are down. Here’s a drink, some ice cream and bacon; now excuse me while I grab the duct tape and 2 x 4 for you.

Until next time,

I have to get out of this mindset because I am starting to spiral. I can’t hit rock bottom again.


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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