So I took my five year old and my four year old to the doctors for an annual check-up and to get the flu vaccine. I kept telling them they wouldn’t get a shot because they have the nasal flu mist and they can sniff it. That was a relief until I found out that that type of flu mist has been discontinued and they both needed shots.
Soooo… here I am in the middle of the waiting room about to tell my five and four year old that they need shots. Honesty is the best policy my ass.
So let’s recap everything that happened after that moment:
“Nicholas and Emily, remember how mommy told you that the flu mist was going to go up your nose? Well, they don’t have that kind anymore and we are going to have to be brave and get the shot.” -me
And then it started…
Nicholas and Emily rebelled and started to cry which I expected. I did not expect Nicholas to get up in the waiting room and say, ‘I’m leaving,’ and then proceed to head to the elevator. Thank God the nurse called out our name because we had to start the check-up and he actually listened to me when I said, ‘come on Nicholas, let’s go’… I didn’t think that would work because asking my kids to do something doesn’t usually work the first time. So it was a miracle.
They both got matching gowns and looked so cute and I took pictures to remember what they looked like before all hell broke loose. Aww, the memories of them dancing and twirling are so precious…
So we are finally in the room waiting for the doctor and we had been waiting for a while and then, knowing the doctor will be in at any second, both my kids had to simultaneously poop. Wtf.
Then the doctor comes in and does doctor things and let’s me know they are both getting the shot and Emily is getting two more for her four year old vaccines. Do you know what this does to a woman with a concussion; I had insta-migraine.
So the nurse comes in and she says, ‘hold their legs in between your legs, while you hold his hands crossed into a pretzel.’
Uhhh, yeah ok.
Nicholas was first because he only had to get one and I figured he would be easy; nope. I couldn’t get his legs so he was kicking me and the nurse, then got the shot and was screaming which I expected. But then, he grabbed Emily afterwards and put his body between Emily and the nurse so the nurse couldn’t get her with the needles. Adorable right? I mean, he is being such a good big brother.
I couldn’t restrain both of them and with my concussion, their ear piercing screams were destroying my brain. I finally looked at the nurse and asked her to get me some help. She rolled her eyes and reluctantly went to get another nurse.
…Listen lady, I can’t hold both of them and my son is now a human shield. So the other nurse came in and I looked at her and said, ‘restrain him.’
Yup, I had another person hold my son and she was surprised about how freakishly strong Nicholas was. He broke free once and the next time I looked over, he was climbing up the side of the countertop and was literally parallel with the counter because he was trying to protect his sister; it was like watching something from the Exorcist; I think he was levitating.
Afterwards they each got lollipops and even that couldn’t make them quiet down. I was waiting for my alcohol but they never came with a shot of whiskey for me. Jesus, that was a nightmare.
Afterwards, if looks could kill, I would be dead. Emily told me on multiple occasions that she ‘didn’t like me and she was mad and she wasn’t going to be my peanut anymore.’
Cool… vaccines protect the kids but kill the parents souls and cause them to become people that want to hit up the bar in the middle of the afternoon.
Until next time,
I am going to go watch Nicholas levitate, while Emily gives me a look of death.