So my kids are fantastic, except when they aren’t. Every parent goes through this weird phase where they think about how they are going to discipline their kids without blunt force trauma. That is me today.
Kids today act like they aren’t happy with anything you do but it could just be the following with my kids: they are tired, hungry or pmsing… yeah, I know she is four.
So I made a list of all the things I would love to say but can’t.
1) shut the hell up and stop your crying.
2) seriously. what is wrong with you?
3) What could you possibly be down about? You’re a kid. You eat, sleep and poop. Get up and repeat. OK, sometimes you are constipated.
4) You are clearly hungry… why won‘t you eat? I swear, if you say you aren’t hungry…
5) you are tired. you were falling asleep at dinner… remember, the one you wouldn’t eat? For the love of God, close your eyes.
6) What does mommy want from you? For you to pay my bar tab that I am about to start.
7) Oh. You don’t want that special toy that mommy has been planning to give you for months? Maybe I will give it to another little person? Maybe you should go too before mommy freaks out. Princess Tiana is amazing… read #1.
8) Are you deaf? I said no to your brother, so that doesn’t mean you are supposed to do it.
9) Please stop whining before I throw you out he window. Like seriously, whine about something that matters like taxes, bills or who is going to be our next president. Normal stuff that the rest of the world cries about.
10) I love you but you make mommy want to rob a liquor store just to consume the alcohol. I’m not in it for the money… just to get wasted so I can make it through today in a good mood.
Until next time,
I want to make memories with you… silent memories.