I am not good enough. You say it again and again and it is now a whisper in my ear; it’s all that you let me hear.
I have been with you for so long but it doesn’t matter because nothing I do is right but here I am continuing to fight.
The fighting is hard and makes me weak. I wish I could tell you, instead I feel meek.
I feel shy and more like I wish I could escape and I wish I could fly. I want to float high above the clouds and float through the sky.
I want to fly far from here, far from your hold. I wish I could be bold and tell you goodbye but instead I would rather die.
You are too toxic and you strangle my breath. Every word out of your mouth is a slice to my heart and it tears me apart.
You don’t see it do you? You think everything is ok but you don’t even realize what you do.
There is an angel on one side of my shoulder telling me that I’m a good person and telling me that I am good enough. She tries to be there to talk me down and I feel her love wrapped around.
On the other side there are devils. surrounding me and whispering in my ear all the lies that I fear.
‘You aren’t good enough; you shouldn’t stay; take those pills and just lie down this way. No one wants you and no one needs you. Put up those walls don’t let anyone in; I am here and I am your only friend.’
‘Lies,’ I hear, as the angel whispers in my ear. I try to feel her loving spirit but the devils will is strong and I start to feel like I don’t belong.
Over and over. Over and over. Over and over. And then it’s over. The devils won.
Until next time,
Let me fly with you