You’re a Fucking Liar

All this time has passed and we finally have the recommendations. You were found in violation of every single ethical code that was brought forth by the state, yet you only received six months suspension.

Six months.

It’s funny how six months doesn’t sound very long for what I went through. I read through the entire summary- all eighty-five pages. I read every word and took every word to heart. I read the lies that you told about me. I read all of the ‘precautions’ you said that you took to keep me at bay. What a bunch of fucking lies.

I can’t believe you got away with destroying my life. Here I am fourteen months later and still have to talk about you in therapy. I still think about you and wonder where would I be if this didn’t happen? Where do I want to be now?

The answer is no where. I don’t want to be here or there- I don’t want to be anywhere and you helped me get to the place of nowhere.

I can’t believe that you begged for mercy and got it. I begged for them to listen and they did and agreed that I was more credible than you and I was in pain, yet they were cowards to uphold the maximum penalty- the revocation of your license.

How many more people are you going to help? How many more are you going to hurt? How many more are going to be like me?

When you actually said ‘I broke the ethics code. I broke the law but this was only one client…’ Wow. My mind is still blown. I was one client that needed help and depended on you for guidance. Instead I became friends with someone who was manipulative and lacked compassion. You have compassion for so many others but you never had it for me. Why? Did I remind you of someone you used to know? Was I not worthy of your time, compassion, love? At the time, you were worthy of mine.

I sit in a church parking lot, wondering what to do. Do I publish this blog? Do I self harm because the pain runs too deep? Do I use my skills and go home?

The answer is that I don’t know. I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t matter. You won. Six months is a blemish on your record… I wanted to destroy your record the way you destroyed my life.

I waited three months for this verdict. Three months but I wasted three full years just with you- physically… emotionally. You take up my days and haunt my nights.

I think about you, and wonder if you ever think about me? I found out in therapy today that I don’t believe I exist if someone isn’t thinking about me. And that’s just it- I never wanted to fade into your memory. I always wanted to be a part of your life as a friend. I never wanted to be this person that you try to stare down in a Starbucks parking lot. I never wanted to be on the other side of your stare but I am. And how childish is that? Talk to me like an adult.

Everyone thinks I am strong for taking this on and every one of my friends thought you should lose your license but I never wanted to see that happen. But now, after reading and hearing your lies, after knowing you never took clinical notes on me, after all the times where you tore me down, built me up and tore me down again… I want to see you lose your license. Not because I am vengeful just because misery loves company and you made me miserable- I want some company.

You bring the appetizers and I will bring the main course because I am going to dispute this outcome until there is no more ways to dispute it. I will see you on the 14th because I am going to see this through. And because I am stronger than this verdict and better than your lies.

Until next time,

Take your lies and shove it.

In the meantime, here is a song that describes how a client depends on their therapist and friend and then that special person leaves them… ironic.

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BlackWhiteAndCrazy

I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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