Remember when you were in 7th grade and everybody wanted to make an active volcano out of paper mache and tomato sauce?
I remember watching kids make them on TV sitcoms and then something would go terribly wrong, the volcano would explode and we would all laugh.
That is actually a great metaphor for me and others with depression.
We have built ourselves so nicely from the outside. We paint our eyes, our lips, dye our hair and put on our best clothes; however, inside of us is a dormant pile of tomato sauce just bubbling under the surface.
When one thing goes wrong, that hot sauce, bubbles, rises, oozes and explodes. It seems funny on TV but the reality is that it stains everything it touches.
Every time my depression takes hold over who I am, I explode leaving a trail of messy destruction. Everything I touch is stained, burned, and broken.
I am that dormant volcano and my depression is the fucking tomato sauce. When will the day come that I can just be inactive? When will the day come that I can look as good on the outside and feel that goodness on the inside? When will I stop staining the world with my depression?
When will the day come that I don’t want to kill the volcano?
Until next time,