Decorating the Family Christmas Tree

Oh. My. God. I need a drink. Let’s just start off the blog with that information. 

The kids all freaked out because in our usual tree spot was Anna pushing the elf in the stroller and they were screaming at me because they thought I was going to touch him. If only they knew I touched that thing every, damn day…

Then, Joe, God bless him, can’t lift anything because of his back so I had to get the decorations out. We all know I can’t make two trips so I tortured myself by carrying everything up at once. Do you know what it’s like to be a short, fat girl carrying up a four foot artificial tree and three bags of ornaments? It’s not pretty. In fact, I got stuck several times… like wedged in-between my fatness, the tree and the walls. 

Then I get upstairs and the kids just want to play the computer and the damn elf is staring at us (Read That Bastard on the Shelf). I tried to take the route of ‘the elf is watching you,’ shameful I know, but it didn’t work. What is the reason for having that piece of felt anyway?

So I spread out the branches of our artificial tree and Vincent has now told me how I was doing it wrong more times then I can count. 

After I spread out those prickly leaves that barely cover the bald spots of the tree,  I plugged in the lights and none of them worked. So Joe comes in saying he will fix it. Seriously, what are you going to do Joe? Plug it in? And yes people, Joe plugged it in and the lights came on- son of a bitch. Apparently, I don’t understand ‘A’ and ‘B’ plugs.

Then Vincent came back in to ask me what I was doing and I told him I was still fanning out the branches and he told me I was doing it wrong. Then he proceeded to literally fan the branches like it was a hot summer day.

Meanwhile, Nicholas is singing a song about guacamole, while Emily is telling me all her ornaments are precious memories.

So yes, I need a drink but, nope, I still need a drink. 

Until next time,

Our tree may be leaning and the lights are half broken but I love our little tree because it has so many memories. It was our first tree Joe and I shared together as a couple and the first tree for our children. If you make fun of it, I will strangle you with the broken strands of lights.

Enjoy the holidays. Xo


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I am a mother of three small children with a wonderful husband. Having children is not as simple as black and white. Having kids is black, white and crazy. I hope you enjoy my blog of my crazy escapades.

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