So it’s the holidays… 30 straight hours of pure fun with family, friends and friends that are like family with guys you call uncle but he’s not your uncle and then you have to explain the whole damn story to me. So how do you survive this so called fun? I will give you a how-to guide that usually gets me through and nothing is sugar coated…
1) Alcohol… it’s your best friend. Don’t be sloppy about it, just continuously drink for 30 hours. A little here, a lot there… in your coffee, in your soda, in an IV… it doesn’t matter.
2) Turkey. If you eat enough you can fall asleep and avoid the next 30 hours.
3) Always having another place to go… if you always have another place, you always have an ‘out.’
4) Rocking. If you get desperate, start rocking in a corner somewhere. People will leave you alone. And if you talk to yourself, that’s an extra bonus.
5) Fake pooping. If you need a break, pretend you have to take a wicked crap. Sit on the toliet and read my blogs and get away for ten minutes.
6) Get everyone around you drunk. Wine glass getting low? Refill it before people are aware that their wine has now become bottomless.
7) You have kids? Blame something on them and tell everyone that you need to go.
8) Coffee. You need coffee to survive and pay attention to the conversation. Put Bailey’s in it. When in doubt, answer back with an ‘oh really’ and a ‘uh huh…’
9) Gossip. Gossip about what you saw, heard and who did what. It makes the car ride faster.
10) If all else fails, you clearly aren’t doing number one correctly. Bring a flask and hide it in your pocket… or hide a case of wine in your pants.
Until next time,