Trying to have sex while having three children is damn near impossible. Today, I woke my husband up at 4:50 am and who got up? All three kids. Not one but all three. It’s like they know you are trying to have a good time and they block that right away. I was blue ovaried… get it? Because I don’t have balls. God, I’m hilarious.
Here are some things that my children have said while we have been occupied…
1) I just want to sleep with you in your bed. -Listen, this bed is made for two people right now. I don’t care if there is a spot in the middle where you can fit.
2) I want cereal. -me too. Or maybe some eggs and bacon. Get crackin’.
3) Where’s your phone. -I don’t know… I lost it in the shuffle.
4) I just want to come up to cuddle. -As cute as you are, I can’t cuddle you right now… give me five minutes.
5) I had a bad dream. -this is a bad dream.
6) I just got up to use the bathroom. -then use the bathroom but don’t tell me about it. You don’t need special permission.
7) What are you doing? -stuff.
8) I need juice. -ok, and get me a coffee.
9) Can I please come in your room? -If I wanted you in my room, the door would be unlocked and there would be a neon sign, saying, ‘open.’
10) Just open the door so we can talk. -No. I know you want something. You never just want to talk…
And that is what it’s like with kids. Their sexdar is up and ready, sleeping or not and it destroys lives.
Until next time,
Blue ovary signing off.