This blog is going to be about being honest. I am going to honestly say everything that I hate and then maybe if one person reads it, they can relate and see that they aren’t alone. I am going to just be honest and sarcastic because I don’t know what else to be.
- I am fat. If I related myself to a piece of candy, I wouldn’t be a king sized… I would be shareable because if you were dying in a plane crash, my body could feed the troops.
- I hate my teeth. They are yellow but only because they are dead inside from a fall… they are dead much like my soul.
- I hate not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I literally want to scratch it off because my depression feels so bad.
- I hate that I don’t love my job anymore. When the man takes over, they suck all the fun out of your job. I used to love going to work, now I can’t wait to leave.
- I hate that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s nice to have a reason for why I do certain things but for the love of God, it is hard to be inside of my brain constantly hating myself each minute of every day.
- I hate when people tell you to just choose happiness. I would choose it… can I pick it up at the goddamn market? Are you selling happiness out of the back of your trunk asshole?
- I hate the feeling that I will never get better. People tell you that it will get better but I find that I have been waiting for years to get better but I am still waiting and I am extremely impatient. Like, hurry the fuck up already.
- I hate that feeling of wanting to hurt myself because no one understands what that feels like; what that emptiness and hopelessness feels like.
- I hate how my pinky toe barely has a nail on it. Why should I spend my time cutting it?
- I hate loving someone and them not loving you back the way you want them to; like I am giving you my heart and you are turning it into Swiss cheese.
- I hate lying to people and telling them that I am great. I am not great. I am not even ok but the only time I can be honest without push-back is if I write it down in this very public blog.
- I don’t like how long it takes my finger nails to grow.
- I really hate counting calories… I am not even good at math.
- I really hate when kids at school can’t meet deadlines
- I hate when people won’t let me honestly talk.
- I hate being suicidal when I know that I have a family that loves me.
- I hate parachute pants… you all look like ass clowns.
- I hate skinny jeans… are they cutting off your circulation because your lips are turning blue.
- I hate that I am at Starbucks and the Frappuccino’s are so many calories. Can’t you lie? I am fat and I am in a place that I just don’t fucking care about calories; I just want whipped cream.
- I hate that I hate myself as much as I do.
Until next time,
Maybe one day, I won’t hate so much.