I am Just Going to be Honest

This blog is going to be about being honest. I am going to honestly say everything that I hate and then maybe if one person reads it, they can relate and see that they aren’t alone. I am going to just be honest and sarcastic because I don’t know what else to be.

  1. I am fat. If I related myself to a piece of candy, I wouldn’t be a king sized… I would be shareable because if you were dying in a plane crash, my body could feed the troops.
  2. I hate my teeth. They are yellow but only because they are dead inside from a fall… they are dead much like my soul.
  3. I hate not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I literally want to scratch it off because my depression feels so bad.
  4. I hate that I don’t love my job anymore. When the man takes over, they suck all the fun out of your job. I used to love going to work, now I can’t wait to leave.
  5. I hate that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s nice to have a reason for why I do certain things but for the love of God, it is hard to be inside of my brain constantly hating myself each minute of every day.
  6. I hate when people tell you to just choose happiness. I would choose it… can I pick it up at the goddamn market? Are you selling happiness out of the back of your trunk asshole?
  7. I hate the feeling that I will never get better. People tell you that it will get better but I find that I have been waiting for years to get better but I am still waiting and I am extremely impatient. Like, hurry the fuck up already.
  8. I hate that feeling of wanting to hurt myself because no one understands what that feels like; what that emptiness and hopelessness feels like.
  9. I hate how my pinky toe barely has a nail on it. Why should I spend my time cutting it?
  10. I hate loving someone and them not loving you back the way you want them to; like I am giving you my heart and you are turning it into Swiss cheese.
  11. I hate lying to people and telling them that I am great. I am not great. I am not even ok but the only time I can be honest without push-back is if I write it down in this very public blog.
  12. I don’t like how long it takes my finger nails to grow.
  13. I really hate counting calories… I am not even good at math.
  14. I really hate when kids at school can’t meet deadlines
  15. I hate when people won’t let me honestly talk.
  16. I hate being suicidal when I know that I have a family that loves me.
  17. I hate parachute pants… you all look like ass clowns.
  18. I hate skinny jeans… are they cutting off your circulation because your lips are turning blue.
  19. I hate that I am at Starbucks and the Frappuccino’s are so many calories. Can’t you lie? I am fat and I am in a place that I just don’t fucking care about calories; I just want whipped cream.
  20. I hate that I hate myself as much as I do.

Until next time,

Maybe one day, I won’t hate so much.

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I’m Great and You Can Fuck Off

I haven’t written in a while because nothing has really been going on but I am writing today because I am so pissed off that some people think that being depressed is a choice. If you do, you can fuck off.

I get really upset and distant when people say that what I am going through is a choice; I personally want to crawl out of my skin because that is how much pain I am in. I hope you never have to experience this type of pain. So before you judge someone with mental illness, maybe you should stop and put yourself in there shoes and think before you talk and hurt their feelings.

From now on, don’t ask me if I am ok because from now on, I am great! It’s a choice right? Just don’t ask me. You can call me stubborn or willful or whatever but from now on I will be the only one that knows how I feel and from now on, you don’t have to worry about me because I am fine.

Peace out,

G.R.E.A.T