So I went to get my eyebrows waxed yesterday because face it, my eyebrows had their own zip code and they were starting to receive their own mail. It was time to go to the salon. I walk into a brand new salon recommended by a friend, (thanks Wendy) and after a twenty minute wait, I was taken back to ‘the room.’
I call it ‘the room’ because that is where they painstakingly take out each eyebrow hair and where they get comfortable giving you all type of comments. The door wasn’t even shut and I got the, ‘You look tired’ comment.
Yes, lady… I am tired and let me give you a list of reasons of why I am tired:
- For starters, I have three children; eight, six and five. I am tired. I haven’t slept in eight years… maybe that’s why I am tired. Someone is always coming to my room to tell me that they had a nightmare or they can’t sleep or can they play with my phone at 6am. Yes, I am tired. When was the last time someone handed you a booger while you were sleeping?
- I just went to a professional development conference. Yes, I worked in the middle of my summer vacation. Of course I am tired. My body is used to sleeping in until 8am with disruptions here and there about nightmares, screen time and boogers.
- I’m fat. Yes, I ‘diet.’ Which means I think about dieting and that is tiring. I am tired thinking about dieting. It’s exhausting. What will I eat today? Bread and water? Oh no, tacos. Yes, I am exhausted.
- I have three kids right? Well they are sitting on me at all times. ALL TIMES. If I go to take a crap someone is still asking to sit on my lap. If I lock the door, they pull on it until I give up. All times. All. Times.
- My kids are on a swim team. I go to practice, I go to meets, I live at the pool. I am getting sun. Do you know what that does to a teacher? First off, when school is in session we are getting up at the same time farmers do… and there is no sun at that time. We are getting out of school at the same time strippers are getting ready to go to work…. no sun. So yes, I am sitting in the sun, baking and the sun takes energy and hydration from you. That’s why I drink.
- Yesterday, I left cherries on my counter to dry overnight. Smart right? Except we have a tiny ant problem. They were all over the cherries by the time I got home from work. My husband almost ate an ant farm. When he asked me why I left out the cherries, my response was…’well, I leave out the bananas no problem.’ I got a disapproving look. Either way, I am tired from battling an army of ants. An army of ants on a BLACK countertop.
- I am tired because my kids are scared at night to go to bed. Yup, they go to bed when the sun is still up, they have Christmas lights on upstairs and the laundry room light but they are still scared and they tell us constantly. All. Evening. Long. “I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared. It’s too dark” For the love of God. When you close your eyes it will be dark anyway so just shut up and go to sleep.
- I am so tired because I am already having back to school dreams. Seriously. It’s July. Lesson plans, fire drills, my darkroom flooding… yeah. I wake up in a cold sweat almost every night so yea, I am tired.
- I am sick of dishes. Like I want to vomit. Every time I do the dishes, there are more dishes. Like I just want to tell the kids to eat off of napkins and drink from the milk jug. I don’t care because that is how many dishes I have. Live it up… eat from a paper plate… eat off the floor… oh wait, ants. Nevermind.
- I am tired of being asked if I am tired. Ok, so maybe I haven’t worn makeup all summer long. So just because I went to a professional development day and put it on for the first time in a month and a half doesn’t mean you have to point out that I did a shitty job covering up my dark circles. If you read the above reasons as to why I am tired then you should be proud that I don’t have dark hula hoops under my eyes that kids are trying to play in.
Until next time,
Leave me alone and let me sleep while you wax my eyebrows and suggest that I need to wax my stache’ as well. Thanks for that compliment by the way… that really topped off our appointment.
This blog is dedicated to Lorraine. Lorraine, thank you for coming up to me and asking me if I was the one who wrote this blog. You made me feel special and famous and it was cool to meet one of my blog readers that is outside of my circle of friends. Hopefully we can see each other again!