It Hasn’t Even Been a Month

I have gone from a working mom to a stay at home mom because I am a school teacher. It hasn’t even been a month and I think I am dying. Here is a list of what my life has been like:

1. I have been sitting on the couch but not alone. Oh no, my kids need to all be touching me. It’s so bad that I have to do five minute intervals of ‘who gets to sit on mommy.’

2. I have gone on one bike ride and lost a child.

3. Vincent asked me to go to McDonald’s and I told him we could go maybe once a month. He just informed me that we went last week which was June and this week was July.

4. The kids are on a swim team. Vincent is the only one that is ready to be in the meets. His freestyle consists of doing the dead man’s float down the lane and hoping for first place… he really is clutch on the relay team.

5. I am constantly in the kitchen… my kids don’t stop eating. I ran out of food.

6. Nicholas won’t stop kissing my feet and he does this weird stripper dance that I find hilarious…. neither thing is connected.

7. Beer has been my summer fling in order to get by.

8. I have watched more Pokemon then I care to ever watch in my lifetime. I finally made up my own Pokemon to piss my son off. His name is Dorito and he has spicy powers.

9. I have taught my kids the following words while frustrated: damn, shit and fuck. 

10. My kids want to know about original sin but only when we are in the car. They have also asked google to show them pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Adam and Eve and God himself. Thank you Google for having documentation and pictures of the Lord.


They Didn’t Just Cry Over Eggs

Eggs. The word says it… they are incredible and edible and if my kids don’t get them, they throw a fit in the middle of Wawa (the best convenience store of all time). Not just a fit but crying to the point of hyperventilating and screaming and waving their arms… like a wild monkey that is within arms reach of a banana… but the banana is wax. It’s the illusion of breakfast.

This was the issue- Wawa was not serving the ‘right’ kind of breakfast. I don’t know why, it was 3pm… geez Wawa… my poor kids couldn’t have an egg sandwich… they might die.

My kids were crying so badly, that I turned around and saw two college guys staring at us. I looked them right in the eye and said, ‘don’t have kids till your fifty and I also expect a case of beer to be delivered to my doorstep, just let me give you my address.’

They both started laughing and agreeing with me and saying they, ‘didn’t know how I did it.,

Listen, I don’t do it. I was serious about the case of beer.

Until next time,

I will be drinking the whole case