I wrote this late on Thursday… So apparently snowmageddon has come to the east coast. However, living in New Hampshire for five years makes me laugh at the people back in my area now. I mean it may have snowed three inches and they have cancelled school today and tomorrow. I am not complaining because I love it but I don’t know if I love it with my kids because that’s like a straight 48 hours of entertaining. If you are saying to yourself, ‘wait… I am sure your kids sleep’, you are dead wrong because they all wake up to tell me it’s too dark. Wtf? Of course it’s dark… it’s Jesus’ way to remind you that he wants you to sleep and not bother your parents.
So all of you know I love lists, so here is a list of all the fun things that happened today (Thursday)…
1) I came downstairs because my kids wanted breakfast. I begrudgingly got up only to find that my daughter had a bell around her neck. So everytime I lost her, I just would listen for the bell. It’s like an old school gps. ‘You’re daughter is .25 miles on the left. You have reached your daughter.’
2) So I made pancakes for my children and I always make them different characters and shapes. Nicholas wanted a giant moon, Vincent wanted a gingerbread man and Emily requested an angel and Jesus. Yes, nothing is more sacrilegious about making Jesus out of pancakes.
3) Joe, my husband, had to go to work… sucker! Or was he? Honestly, I am not sure because as I am texting him, Nicholas is editing my text messages.
4) Then Joe asked me how it was going… I was by myself for literally 15 seconds before this happened…
…Yes, we are on a love seat. And we have two sets of furniture and they each have their own rooms but they are sitting on my head.
5) As we are sitting together on the love seat, Nicholas wanted to ask Google how the earth’s crust was created. That also led to Emily asking questions to Google and then she looked off into the distance and said, ‘it’s like someone is talking to us…’ At that point, I literally saw a five year olds mind blown.
6) After the kids were finished being curious, they started complimenting Google on how cute and sweet she is. Google said that they were nice and their compliments were making her blush. What. The. Hell… my kids called me fat today and I gave fucking birth to them. Fine, fine, let Google get you milk and juice.
7) My New Year’s resolution this year is to get more healthy. I was proud that we all got involved with exercise. So, basically my kids used my twisting board for sleds…
8) Joe took the kids to cub scouts the other night and Vincent has to learn to widdle for a badge. As he was leaving this morning for work, he told me that I needed to help Vincent widdle. Have you ever had to teach a kid to slow down, chew on a piece of straw, while sitting on the porch to widdle a bar of soap who has ADHD? Yeah, me either because I came in from outside to him attempting to widdle.
…my son basically murdered a bar of Ivory soap. Good news… my kitchen isn’t clean but it sure smells like it is. Bad news… I can’t get it off my fucking black counters.
9) At lunch time I had a bowl of homemade Chicken soup. Every kid wanted some because why would I be able to eat something alone? I told each lovely child that they were going to have it for dinner. Everyone cheered… then I made it for dinner and everyone cried.
10) I am on a shake diet. I know, I know… sucks right? But what doesn’t suck is when your daughter dresses up your shakes with some fashionable earrings. Wtf? Seriously, I can’t even. Although, I wouldn’t mind if I had an eggroll that was wearing a tiny top hat.
Stay tuned for my update of Snow Day: Part 2… the Friday edition.
Until next time,
Just a parent needing a vacation and a sensible shake with a little umbrella.