Vincent Goes to School 

So this morning, Vincent explained to us that he is once again in debt with the school cafeteria. Surprise, surprise.

The kid is in debt every week and this morning, he finally confessed that he gets a milk everyday. Let me clarify, he told us that the milk in the cafeteria refrigerator is ‘free.’ Yes, my friends, my son is apparently stealing chocolate milk and thinking it is free.

After picking Vincent up from school, I found out that he did indeed drink his ‘free’ milk and then he cut art class to be with his girlfriend in gym class.

He is in second grade. Second grade and he is apparently stealing the hard stuff and cutting class.

Until next time,

It’s not stealing if it’s chocolate milk

And Another Year Begins.

To all my teacher friends, have a great year. May it be swift and ridiculously fast and dear God, let it be summer again.

Here is my list of what I am excited about in the 2016-2017 school year…

1) The title of this blog is ‘Another Year Begins.’ And this is how it is for teachers. We hate when you say ‘see you next year’ in January because we have to pause and remember that the rest of the world starts a new year in January but honestly, we just think you are idiots. The new year starts in August.

2) I am excited to go to the copy room and find that there is no paper left. What a thrill. It’s like extreme sports but extreme ‘oh shit, I need to copy sixty copies of my seven-page syllabi.’ Nothing is more exhilarating.

3) I am excited to give my bladder a workout. During the school year, I pee at 6am and then don’t pee again until like noon. My bladder is excited to get a turn to workout because my liver has been working out all summer.

4) I am excited to go to work in the cover of darkness, only to return home in the cover of darkness. Teachers are like freaking Batman.

5) I am excited to learn every new student’s name. I like when they correct me for pronunciation because they all get Iannone right on the first try.

6) I am excited to implement all the new lessons I have been working on all summer. Haha… just kidding… I didn’t plan.

7) I am excited for the sexual harassment speech. This is my 15th year of teaching… I think it will finally sink in this year that I can’t ask my colleagues for sex in exchange for a red pen.

8) I am excited to find out all the new theories we adopted over the summer for teaching. It’s invigorating to hear a new theory every year. All the teachers know it’s the same theory with a different name… but yeah, I will redo my lesson plans… again.

9) I can’t wait to see all the new teachers. You can figure out who they are because the smell like freshly sharpened pencils and they look hopeful.

10) I can’t wait to see the seasoned teachers again. They smell like a mixture of tears, and despair.

11) I love hearing about the new referendums. It’s like a ten year plan and I am not even able to vote because I don’t live in the district. It’s a ten year plan right? I’m lucky if I will live after the second day of waking up at 5am. 10 years my ass.

12) My favorite word that is on all of my back to school lists… Data. I could care less where we placed in the SAT’s or DCAS or whatever. Am I getting a raise? Oh, haha, nevermind. Teachers do not get raises.

13) I love ice breakers with my colleagues. Actually, I don’t. I would love an ice breaker that involved pizza, a beer and then sharing how we all got to this point in our lives.

14) I can’t wait for my favorite question, ‘how was your summer?’ Listen. Don’t ask me this fucking question, you know everyone’s answer is the same, ‘it was too short.’ Mostly because we are all miserable that the summer is over, so stop bringing it up. What the hell is wrong with you? I’m going to punch you straight in the throat if you even try to have this conversation.

15) Honestly, I am excited to see all your faces, share our successes, our failures, make fun of stupid things we did in class, our lunches and our Friday ‘book club.’ I’m excited to be with you all this year and I am even excited to meet my new students… but only slightly. I will be jaded again in the first hour or so; don’t worry.

Until next year,

Enjoy your year, stay safe and start buying wine in bulk.