So today was the return from spring break and you know what it was filled with? Let me tell you…
1) Questions. You are obligated to ask, ‘how was your spring break?’ Shut your pie hole… I am sure it was good but too short. I didn’t really want an answer.
2) Bladder infections. I peed once at 6am and then again at 3pm. Teachers have bladders of steel and high insurance rates on their bladders.
3) Vegetables. Yup, celery and guacamole. When I was on break, I was eating normal food. Today, it was whatever I could grab out of the fridge.
4) Coffee. Yes, I had coffee on break but at school, coffee is your fucking life because you are listening to kids talk about their lives and sometimes you have to appear to be interested.
5) Phone calls. I never answer my cell phone… ever. But at school you have to answer your office phone everytime it rings. My favorite is when someone calls me with a message for a kid. Then I give the message, sit across the room and the same damn phone rings from the same damn person with the same damn message for another student. Please, for the love of God and all that is holy, get organized before you dial my extension.
6) Bells. Listen, I do stuff when I want to do stuff but now my life revolves around a bell. Everytime I hear a bell, I am counting down until the end of the day. Only 93 minutes to go!
7) Silent Judgment. I am constantly on the lookout for kids being idiots and now that break is over, I am silently judging their life choices. Why don’t you eat a tide pod or inhale a condom because that is basically what I need you to do so I can laugh while I am silently judging you. Just kidding, don’t do that, you idiots.
8) Constantly asking you to clean-up. Oh wait, I do that at home too with my own kids. But seriously, clean up your own mess you heathens… you’re in high school.
9) Thinking. All spring break, I could literally just stare at the wall if I wanted to. Now I have kids asking me for things like pencils and erasers. You are in art class. Pencils and erasers is the basis of our existence.
10) Crying. Yup, I cried on Sunday because I had to roll up to this place but what completes my first day back is when I make a kid cry in my first period of my day.
Hey. If you are going to be an asshole, I am going to let you know. Think about your life choices and don’t disappoint me because all i am really going to do is steal your soul, make you cry and silently judge you the rest of class.
Until next time,
The countdown is on till summer.