It Hasn’t Even Been a Month

I have gone from a working mom to a stay at home mom because I am a school teacher. It hasn’t even been a month and I think I am dying. Here is a list of what my life has been like:

1. I have been sitting on the couch but not alone. Oh no, my kids need to all be touching me. It’s so bad that I have to do five minute intervals of ‘who gets to sit on mommy.’

2. I have gone on one bike ride and lost a child.

3. Vincent asked me to go to McDonald’s and I told him we could go maybe once a month. He just informed me that we went last week which was June and this week was July.

4. The kids are on a swim team. Vincent is the only one that is ready to be in the meets. His freestyle consists of doing the dead man’s float down the lane and hoping for first place… he really is clutch on the relay team.

5. I am constantly in the kitchen… my kids don’t stop eating. I ran out of food.

6. Nicholas won’t stop kissing my feet and he does this weird stripper dance that I find hilarious…. neither thing is connected.

7. Beer has been my summer fling in order to get by.

8. I have watched more Pokemon then I care to ever watch in my lifetime. I finally made up my own Pokemon to piss my son off. His name is Dorito and he has spicy powers.

9. I have taught my kids the following words while frustrated: damn, shit and fuck. 

10. My kids want to know about original sin but only when we are in the car. They have also asked google to show them pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Adam and Eve and God himself. Thank you Google for having documentation and pictures of the Lord.

Summer is Basically Over…

As Summer 2016 comes to a close, I have created this list about what I will not miss… like ever:

1) McDonald’s. Not really but my kids always want to go here and it’s fast and easy and doesn’t require cooking… or thinking.

2) My kids thinking that if they go to the pool they have now had a bath. Joe told them that was an acceptable means of showering. My kids stink.

3) Everyday… fucking Disney Junior shows.

4) Cailou. He gets his own spot because he is the worst and we should probably burn him at the stake or something… he would probably whine less.

5) My kids not doing their summer reading. I blame myself.

6) Summer reading… just all together; mine, theirs. I used to be excited about it but not this year.

7) Knowing that you should have been doing something educational with your kids all summer because Nicholas just asked me how to spell his name.

8) Being in a swimsuit.

9) Being a constant entertainer for my kids, although, I will miss their faces… I will not miss the juggling.

10) The way my kids constantly have to be in the kitchen and eat. They are so demanding: breakfast, lunch, dinner… over and over… every damn day.

Things I will miss:

1) my bed.

2) my kids laughing at my stupid jokes.

3) day drinking by the river with great friends.

Until next time,

Work will never take my freedom. Oh wait.

Ps- this post is dedicated to my great friends on the river. 

And another PS- check back on Monday morning for the annual post about why I am excited to go back to work. Apparently it’s a classic among teachers. 

This is for my river friends. Thanks for always being there and making me laugh. Xo