I can’t stop thinking about tWitch. I didn’t know him. I didn’t watch him on, ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I didn’t watch his videos, tik toks or watch him on ‘Ellen.’ But I can’t stop thinking about him.
Everytime he comes up on my facebook feed, I watch him, his wife and his children. He looks so happy and so content with life. Always smiling. Always laughing.
I have been where tWitch was; thinking my only way out of this pain was to hurt myself in some way. Depression runs deep. It causes your mind and your thoughts to lie to you, to deceive you, to manipulate you.
There were times that I dumped out all my medication, wondering if it would be enough. Praying for some relief but worrying about leaving behind my husband and kids. I never wanted to hurt them. I never wanted them to wonder if I loved them.
My kids and my husband were enough to get me to stay. To put those pills back in their bottles and walk away. That was a painful decision because I knew if I didn’t swallow those pills, I would just have to suffer with the pain of being alive.
And then I think of tWitch. His pain must have been so deep and his thoughts must have been so distorted that nothing could save him. Imagine being in that much pain that you just feel like there is only one way out. He left behind his wife and kids and I am sure that was a hard decision. Sometimes the pain just overtakes every other thought of happiness or contentment. And people that don’t suffer from depression will NEVER get it.
Please look out for your friends and family; even if it is just an acquaintance. Look out for one another. Life is hard. Life with depression is harder but you deserve to be here. You are meant to stay.
Keep fighting. Keep hoping. Keep loving.
Until next time,
Love yourself. ❤️
*If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call or text 988.*
BlackWhiteAndCrazy 