Raising Boys

Raising boys needs to get better and damn fast. I mean I love my boys and all but they are gross- they’re boys. And I expect boys to be gross but what frightens me is that my boys are going to eventually become men. I would like to say that I will try to change them before they get to that man stage but there is just no use.

Here is a list of gross things boys do… and yes, this list has come from experience of having two lovely boys myself.

1) Their whole body is a musical playground. In our house, I say, ‘it’s time to take a shower,’ which means that they play their penis as a guitar, their testicles as a piano and their butt as drums. There is always a musical happening at my house.

2) Tonight I was laying on the bed when one of my sons deliberately farted in my face. When I screamed out in horror, the other boy came over to smell it.

3) When I least expect it, they shove their socks and/or underwear in my face and tell me to smell it.

4) They call me into the bathroom to analyze their poop.

5) They go to the bathroom and don’t use soap to wash their hands. It is extremely disturbing.

6) One of them was playing with their penis tonight but yelled to me and said, ‘don’t worry mom. I am playing with my penis… by myself… in the bathroom.’ Always aim for the small goals.

7) There is always pee on the wall but no one seems to know who did it.

8) For snack the kids wanted chocolate chips. Of course the chocolate melted and one boy didn’t hesitate to wipe his hands all over my pants.

9) They have used me as a human tissue.

10) They talk about their bodies all the time to anyone who will listen. Currently, they are both convinced that they are growing a vagina… but it is just their testicles. Gym class is going to be awkward in a couple of years.

Until next time,

I hope some woman loves you as much as your mom does someday.

Clean it Up

So I have been cleaning the house when I am able to- the concussion is keeping me from doing a lot. But anyway, I have been able to clean about one room a day and work on my editing for my photography business.

After my kids came home on Thursday, Emily looked into the family room and said, ‘wow mom. You really did a nice job in here.’

So sweet.

Then they had snack. As we are sitting there, Emily says, ‘hey mom, the next room you have to clean up is the toy room.’

The toy room looks like a small explosion went off and there are pieces everywhere. So I say to her, ‘well, that is the kids job so you and your brothers can clean that room.’

And then this happened:

‘Ok mom, well, your goal is to clean up the toy room for tomorrow.’ -Emily

‘……..’ -me

‘Yeah mom, I bet you that you won’t get it clean by the time we come home from school.’ -Vincent

Seriously? These kids are too young to be trying to trick me. And yet there was a small competitive part of me that wanted to say, ‘challenge accepted douchebags.’

Until next time,

Keep it clean but not clean enough that people notice