All the Reasons I Can’t Die.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my little girl just came in and asked me to call her by her nickname more often. Ok my little peanut.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my daughter was speaking whale in her room before bed and it made me laugh. Thanks Finding Dory.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my soon to be teenager hugged me super tight.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because I made my son laugh. He laughed so hard his little eyes were just tiny slits. That’s how I know my joke was good.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my husband told me he loved me.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my son said the sweetest thing to me today, ‘do you want to take naps together?’

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my dog, who is the spawn of Satan, licked my nose. A sign of affection before an attack.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because my kids need to make it to swim practice and I’m their driver.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because who is going to make the family dinner?

Today I want to die but today is not the day because who is going to sing my kids their bedtime songs.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because I had a friend reach out to me to check to see if I was ok. Trust me, I’m fine.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because I love my kids too much.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because I love my wonderful husband too much.

Today I want to die but today is not the day because I don’t have the courage.

Until next time,

Allison

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please get help by texting 741741.

There Are No Coincidences.

I have been waiting to post this blog. I guess I was trying to find a way to tell the story.

It was a dark and stormy night, I’m just kidding, it was a regular day and I was working in the local hospital.

I am a newborn photographer now and used to be a high school teacher. I was working in the newborn wing one day and I saw on the paperwork the name of a former student. I told my colleagues that I wanted to visit her for a minute as she had the opportunity for pictures the day before.

I stopped into her room and was able to see her beautiful baby girl. As I was talking to her, I realized she was struggling with the staff and feeding the baby and just life in general. I was so happy that I was able to be in the right place at the right time for my former student. I mean, what are the odds that I would resign from teaching, work in the hospital she delivered in, be at work on that day and have a chance to see her? And in the time when she needed someone the most?

Fast forward a year later to literally last week. Last week my son was diagnosed with covid and salmonella. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life. My son was in the hospital for five days screaming and crying in pain and I just felt so helpless. And then I received a Facebook message from the same former student.

She wrote to me and told me that she was working at that exact hospital and she would come sit with me and bring me a cup of coffee while she ate lunch. What are the chances that this would even happen? Slim to none. She just received training as a medical assistant and she had the job at the hospital for a whole week. A. Whole. Week.

I am just in awe of how the world works sometimes. This student that I knew so many years ago was just in the right place at the right time and when I needed someone the most. Just like I listened to her and was there for her a year before with a new baby, she was there for me with my son.

The world is a funny place. I don’t believe in coincidences because this set up was just too perfect for the both of us. God, some higher power, or whatever you believe in is just aligning life for us and we are all where we need to be, at this moment, at this time.

Until next time,

We all have a purpose and a special thank you to Krystin. ❤