Your memory washes over me like a tidal wave. I remember.
I remember the good times, the ones full of laughter at stupid stuff and guys you chased after.
I remember how you smelled sweet and like you gave a damn and meanwhile, I would show up in a t-shirt.
I remember staying out with you later than I should of and knowing I would get in trouble for being late.
I remember bobbing around why you danced. I remember the singing to bands and banging to the beat on the table.
I remember early morning breakfast and the people we would meet.
I remember seeing you every Thursday and hanging on every word you said.
I remember trying to get better so we could be real friends instead of pretend.
I remember the country music and I still love those song because it reminds me of a better time.
That’s all I remember because I block out the bad but I’m still hurting because I am only over you sometimes.
A smell, a song, a decrepit building and a bottle of wine remind me of you.
I don’t want to see you because I freeze. I do want to see you because I want to show you how strong I am. I don’t want to see you because I am transparent. I do want to see you- I don’t want to see you- I don’t know what I want.
Why didn’t you fight for me? Why wasn’t I your friend after- I wasn’t worth it was I? I know why, it’s because of taking your license but I thought you would have at least said goodbye.
How is it that I think about you in a ‘I remember,’ sort of way and I’m sure that you hate me and think of me in, ‘She’s a fucking bitch,’ sort of way.
I wish we didn’t leave it like that. I wish you just said goodbye to me when we were in that court room.
Will I ever move on? I need to because I remember that you aren’t good for me.
Until next time,
Allison
BlackWhiteAndCrazy 