Trip Diary Part 3

*This Diary was written last week while on ‘vacation.’*

Dear Diary,

Today was a better day until my son rubbed my mustache and asked me if I was going to grow out my beard. Then he told me how jealous he was that I was growing facial hair and he was not.

Then we took the kids to Water Country USA in Virgina. Good times were had by only the other park goers as on numerous occasions I flashed other people with my white ass. Not once, but several times I got off a ride with my thong on. Newsflash, I don’t have a thong. It was just a wedgie from hell.

Our kids complained basically the whole time about the wait of the line or what their brother/sister was doing to them. It was absolute mayhem and at one point the middle child asked to go back to the hotel. At. A. Water. Park.

I can’t stress this disappointment enough. We try to take them places and they just don’t appreciate anything. I don’t know if it is the generation or that’s just how my kids are but they complain about waiting and they literally have no patience for anything or for one another.

My favorite part was at 5pm when the park closed.

My other favorite part was at dinner when I ordered a huge Rum Runner. Alcohol is the only thing keeping me going today, or any day.

Until next time,

Is that the moon? No, it is just my giant ass.

My Children are Addicted

This blog today is about parenting demon children. Today has been an incredibly hard day as a parent. There was a lot of crying, (mostly me) and a lot of yelling and disrespect.

My kids today were just on the disrespect train and the stops were yelling, crying, slamming doors and full blown tantrums. Yeah, did I fail to mention that my kids are eleven, nine and eight?

And what did this all stem from? Because they couldn’t be on their devices when they wanted to be. I swear to God, I am going to throw the damn devices into the pits of hell and watch them burn as the devil dances around the flames.

I am so sick of technology taking over their little, tiny, moldable minds. And the worst part is that I notice that I am the same way. I mean, I don’t throw a fit but I never go anywhere without my phone. Sometimes my husband and I think that they are addicted and we don’t know how to make that better. I mean, is there a twelve step program for technology addicts? Hello, my name is…. and I am addicted to Roblox.

It kind of scares me because if they are this much of a pain in the ass for Roblox, how are they going to be when they get their own phone? I will never see them again because they don’t understand balance.

And I will be honest, Joe and I struggle as parents with this every single day. And if you have a parent friend that tells you they don’t struggle, they are absolutely lying. Don’t believe that bullshit because the struggle is real and many of us don’t know what to do beside set a sketchy set of boundaries. I am not going to sit here and lie and say our boundaries are set in stone and I guess it is because everyday is different here. There are some days I just can’t parent anymore and I look to technology to be that extra helping hand, especially during this pandemic. And honestly, that is ok too and it is ok to admit it.

So shout out to all the parents out there who are struggling with their kids. It isn’t easy and they didn’t come with an instruction manual. The best we can do is toss the kids out the window and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Until next time,

My name is Allison and I am addicted to Facebook.

I Love You But You Annoy Me

Having kids can be a really wonderful experience and it can also be annoying. Here are ten things that annoy me about my kids… heeeeeere we go.

1) They annoy me when they make me watch them play Roblox. That game is stupid and now you are forcing me to watch you play? I think I would rather watch Cailou… and that is saying something.

2) When they literally have to touch me all the time. There is no such thing as a personal bubble in my household… see attached video. 🙄

3) When they ask me to come here. And here is sitting on the steps while they poop because they are scared.

4) When they eat all my bacon.

5) When they make homemade pizza with my stomach flub. I feel self conscious and also disappointed that they don’t make a dessert with my arm fat.

6) The endless amount of cups that they use in a day. Use one cup for the whole day like an adult that hates to do dishes.

7) When they call me, ‘stupid head.’ They really have to work on their insults because I am embarrassed that stupid head is their number one insult.

8) When I ask how their day was and they say fine, then at bedtime they want to give me a play by play of every minute of their waking hours.

9) When they tell me their friends house is more fun than ours. Maybe that is because I have rules that I demand that you follow?

10) When they watch Caliou to purposely annoy me.